Battle in the Pit

Psalm 77 

 Psalms 77:12 (NIV) I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds.

Those of us with mental illness do not have a corner on the market on anxiety and depression. As a matter of fact, recent studies say 1 in 10 Americans have suffered from depression in the last year. We all battle with sadness and fears and we all end up in the pit sometimes. You are not alone!

So where do we turn when out trust in God seems to waiver? When answers don’t come immediately, and God seems so far away? What should we do when rescue doesn’t come, and we begin to slip back into “Why Me?” We begin to doubt God loves us and cares for us. We feel as if God is rejecting us. Does God even love me anymore? Will God never again come to my rescue and bring me peace?

Asaph faced the same questions in Psalm 77. He found himself crying out to God for help when he was in distress. He talks of being anxious and not finding comfort. He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t find the words to express what was going on (verses 1-4). He followed all the teachings we have heard such as Philippians 4:6, “do not be anxious…by prayer and petition… present your requests” and “Humble yourselves… cast all your anxiety on him” (1 Peter 5:6 & 7) and yet no relief comes.

Then we hit rock bottom (verses 7-9). The pit begins to close in on us and we start wondering if God has forgotten about us. In just a few chapters over in chapter 88, Asaph describes this time as being “counted among those who go down to the pit” (vs. 4) and “put me in the lowest pit, in the darkest depths” (vs 6). Just when it feels there is no way any light will ever penetrate our soul again; a thought comes to mind. Do you remember when…?

Do you remember the time you were running late, you had to park at a meter only to find you had no change, but by the grace of God, the meter still had an hour left on it? Or the time, you pumped your gas and ran in to pay when you realize you forgot your money, and someone offered to pay? What about the time you felt so alone and down on yourself and someone smiled and told you how lovely your outfit was today? These are God winks! These are weapons to defeat the enemy.

When we step back and take a moment to remember all of the things God has brought into our lives, all the times he has saved us, we take our eyes off the problem. We are reminded just how great our God is (Psalm 77:13). We revel in his display of power among our lives (vs 14).

No, peace may not come right away. Our answer may still be on the horizon. We may have to wait it out in the pit for just a little while longer, but now we have a weapon to battle with while we are there. We have something to hang on to. We have hope because of all the great things God has done in the past. We have hope that he will restore us once again and make his face shine on us that we may be saved again (Psalm 80:7).

 Prayer:  Thank You, Father, for all the miracles you have brought into our lives. Thank you for hearing our cries and prayers from the pit and being right there with us. Help us to always remember just how much you love us and are there for us. Bring to our memories Your manly faithful acts in the past, so we can take our eyes off the current problem and put them where they belong, on You. In Jesus name, Amen.

Your Turn: 

Choose your weapon! What event from your past will you choose for encouragement, to battle in the pit? Share your comments below. You never know, your story might be the one to save someone else.

Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

I Hope

Romans 5:5
And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

I am drawing a blank today.  I prayed and prayed, but nothing is coming to me.  

A writer’s worst nightmare!

I had actually picked the verse above a few days ago and set it aside. I am staring at it and still nothing is coming, or is it?!

I think I am living this verse right now in this very moment.  I am praying and hoping that God will tell me what I am suppose to blog about.  I am hoping for some words of wisdom to pass on. 

I am HOPING!

Hope is such a teeny tiny little word, but has such a BIG meaning.  I wake up in hope and I go to bed in hope.

I hope for a good day.

I hope for a message from my children.

I hope for one more day with my mother and father.

I hope I remember everything when I leave for work.

I hope for green lights and no trains or accidents.

I hope for something good for dinner (my hubby does all the cooking).

I hope for enough energy to do my workout after work.

I hope for a relaxing evening.

I hope for a good nights sleep.

These are just a few things that pop through my mind as I go through my day. I have bigger hopes and dreams also, but the important thing is I have hopes. I do hope. When I continue to hope, God doesn’t let me down.

Do all of those things always come to pass right then? 

No, but I never give up hope.

Hope is what gets me through each moment, even the ones I hoped would never come. My hope is what sustains me because God’s love has been poured out into my heart through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to me.

Hmmm…I hope this blog has encouraged you to keep hoping. I also hope to see you again on Monday.

*Hugs*

Tabetha

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

I am Not OK, But I will be!

Psalm 56:3-4
When I am afraid I put my trust in you.  In God whose word I praise in God I trust and am not afraid.  What can mere mortals do to me?

There are some pains in your life
That seem to have no end.

Evertime you start to smile
the tears well up again.

This season of my life
is the worst it’s ever been

Devastaion all around
and yet I cling to Him

It is well
with my soul!
Its Well
It is Well
With my soul!

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

What’s Your Dream?

Hebrews 10:23-25
23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

 

I spent some time praying and reading my bible yesterday.  It became one of those deep thinking times.  I admit some days I just go through the motions.  I read and pray and then get on with my day.  However, yesterday was not one of those days.

I felt a like I was being drawn very close to God.  I just couldn’t get enough of him.  Then at one point, I heard a still small voice whisper, “What is your dream?” I was flabbergasted.  I mean I was really speechless.  I couldn’t answer.

For the past month, I have hit a desert spell you often hear Christians talk about.  I knew God was around.  I still had faith and hope.  I saw blessings and answers to prayer, but I felt depleted. I just didn’t know where I was going and what I wanted to do.  I felt like a warrior without a mission.

So when God asked me what was my dream, I answered the only way I knew how.  I prayed God give me a dream. This morning he did just that!

I opened my bible study and again there where the words “What is your dream?” It was followed by some suggestions and the one that sang into my heart was writing.  Earlier this month I was hit with some rejection of my writing.  It really blew the wind right out of my sails. In many ways, I was giving up on my dreams. The good news is God wasn’t!

He popped Hebrews 10:23-25 in my lap to remind me why I wanted to write in the first place.  Right before my eyes was my dream! I realized I had let one rejection kill my dream.  Good thing I have a God in the business of resurrections!  He certainly resurrected my dream.

What about you?  What is your dream?

I Am Not A Failure

Joshua‬ ‭1:9‬ ‭NIV‬‬
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

Something going wrong is not a failure.  Not trying again is a failure!

 

This is not easy for me to admit, but last semester I did not pass my cumulative exam for my doctorate degree.  I had three weeks to write two papers and both of my papers fell short. I must pass this exam to go on to my dissertation.  Once I pass it, I will have achieved my doctorate all but dissertation. I was so frustrated and upset; I did not retake the exam until this semester. I had failed!

Or so I thought.

I had that option of retaking it last semester, but I couldn’t.  I needed to put some time and space between me and those papers.  I needed a break.  Mind you, I finished my Bachelor’s degree waited two years started my Master’s and then went directly to my Doctorate right after that.  I have not had a break from classes in almost six years.  I was burnt out and the added frustration of not passing just sent me into a tailspin.

During this break, I have tried my best to not think about my “failure”.  However, this past week has had me sweating bullets again.  What if I fail again?  What if I never pass it?  I was so sure I was going to be a failure.

Today was fresh and new.  I opened the exam and took a new look at the papers I had written.  Things were a little clearer and the comments from last semester actually made sense now.  However, I still felt like a failure and was not so sure I could do any better this time.

Then two friends stepped up to pass on some advice.

One went to the bible and brought out the verse above. “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” What I gleaned from that verse was quit being a fraidy cat and get to work on those papers.

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Pass or pass not, God will be with me.  Tomorrow will come.  The sun will rise.  Life will go on.

My other friend proceeded to tell me you only fail when you quit trying.  I am not a failure.

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I did not fail my exam. Yes, I did not pass. The papers were lacking.  What I did not see was all the things I did right on the papers.  I had lots of great comments.  The professors said it was obvious I was knowledgable about the subject.  I had great ideas.  One of the papers, I just needed to add more and put more of me and my analysis into it, not just the facts.  The other paper, I need to connect my data to my recommendation.  They were both awesome, I just needed to connect them better.

Today, I am going to choose to be strong and courageous and carry on.  I am not a failure.  I have not given up trying.  I just figured out how not to pass.  Now it is time to find what works!

 

Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

Give Me Light For The New Year

2 Samuel 22:29
You, Lord, are my lamp; the Lord turns my darkness into light.

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I love to wake up to a brand new year. I have brand new journals, planners, and calendars laid out in front of me. Blank pages.  How will they be filled? What will this new year bring?

I am not much for New Year’s resolutions. I have goals I want to accomplish. Places I would like to see. Things I would like to do. Yes, there are even things I would like to change or improve about myself.

However, I know just like those blank pages, my life will soon start to fill up. Any promises I make today will fall to the side and soon be forgotten.

Instead of resolutions, I want to offer up this simple New Year’s prayer.

Lord, you are my lamp; you turn my darkness into light. Guide my steps this year. Light my path. Help me to never give up even when I falter and fail. I want to follow you and fulfill your resolutions for my life. 

 

Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

Light a Candle for Me

Psalms 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

This time of year can be quite difficult for those who have lost someone.  Every ornament you unpack, every Christmas song you hear, every smell or taste can bring back memories.  Some good.  Some not so good. But they all seem to hurt.

It has been many Christmases without my brother.  I would love to tell you the pain has gone away.  However, just when I think I have moved on and the pain is all gone something triggers a memory.

Yes, I cry and miss him dearly.  But I must say I wouldn’t wish any of those memories away.  As long as I have those memories, he will never be far from me.

Today, I would love to count the blessings you shared with your loved ones.  Sometimes that is the best way to get yourself out of a funk.  Remind yourself of what you had and still have.

So, here is my favorite Christmas memory with my brother…

It was Christmas morning and we were all excited, just like every other child in the world.  The tree was packed with presents.  My mom had gotten smart and not put our names on any of them.  Instead, she had wrapped our presents in specific paper. Only she knew which one was which.

I remember my dad handing both of us a similar sized package.  We were instructed to open them at the same time.

We dove in to see who could open the fastest.  My brother probably won, but I will never admit that…lol!

Our eyes were HUGE!  We both got radio controlled vehicles.  His was a semi-truck and mine a sporty little red car. We couldn’t get them out of the packages fast enough and into the kitchen to try them out.

My mom’s kitchen was really cool.  It had an island in the middle where the stove was.  So, we had the perfect race track to try our cars out.  I just knew I would win!  Being the little sister it was of great importance that I did!

We set the rules.  Three times around the track and the first one to get back to the tree was the winner.

He pulled ahead because he was so much better at controlling his truck. I seemed to be playing bumper cars with the wall. The next round found me more adept and I started to pull ahead.

Then something strange happened as we made our third round. Both vehicles began to slow down.  We pushed the buttons as hard as we could but there was no making them go faster.  The batteries were simply giving out. Neither of us made it back to the tree.

Our heads hung low with disappointment. We thought for sure our brand new toys were broken.  But then my father let out a laugh that made his belly rival Santa’s.  He looked at my mom and she too had a twinkle in her eye. It seems the night before they felt the need to check out our cars “just to make sure they worked.”  With all their quality control, they had run down the batteries.

My brother and I never let them forget that Christmas.

Through the years, as I wrapped my kids’ gifts and even now as I prepare to wrap my grandchildren’s toys,  I remember the story of the year the elves played with our toys.  I can feel my brother’s arm around me and hear his laughter once more. My eyes begin to fill, but the tears are filled with more joy than sorrow and a smile breaks across my face.

Hang on to the memories.  Cry when you need to but try to find a smile.  It is in those memories you will find comfort that your loved one isn’t gone for good.

I do want to send out a special hug to all of those who are celebrating the first Christmas without a loved one.  I want you to know I am thinking of you and sending you lots of love.  Nothing I can type or say will make the feelings go away.  So, I will just simply leave you with this thought.

Smile Upon Your Face
By Tabetha Frick

Take a moment to breathe
Take a moment to grieve
Then wipe those tears
Remember the years
That I brought a smile to your face

The good and bad
The times we had
Though not enough
I know its rough
But let them bring a smile to your face

I hope my dear
This brings you cheer
For I am now at rest
But was always blessed
By the smile upon your face

Thanks for the memories Kenny! I love you!

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Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

Who is driving the bus?

Psalms 29:11
The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.

I went to a new doctor today.  After many years of seeing the same doctor, I had gotten quite comfortable with myself.  My doctor was a good friend of mine.  Unfortunately, he had to move his practice far enough away that I was no longer able to see him.

I have known about this move for six months.  I have been on this new doctor’s list for about 4 months or so, but I had not gone in to see him.  I hate meeting new doctors.

Now, I do realize no one likes to go to the doctors.  I mean we don’t usually wake up and say…gee I wonder what my doctor is doing today.  I think I should make an appointment to see him.

However, I HATE going to the doctor’s office and I REALLY HATE seeing a new doctor!!!!!!

I have quite a few issues.  If you have read my older blogs you know one of them is seizures.  I have not seen a neurologist in over 10 years because I gave up on them.  So, I really hate discussing that problem, but I was expecting it.  I also have two types of arthritis, asthma and Crohn’s disease. Again, I don’t like going over my history and what I am currently doing about them, but I was expecting it.

What I wasn’t expecting to discuss, my PTSD.

Before you ask, no my PTSD is not combat PTSD. I was not in the military. I wish my doctor would have asked that and just left it there. But NO! He wants to dive into what trauma in my life could have caused my PTSD.

Here is my theory on PTSD.  It is kind of like Fight Club (movie reference). The first rule about Fight Club is you don’t talk about Fight Club!  Yep! That sums up my feeling on my PTSD! Unfortunately, this new doctor did not agree.

***INSERT MELTDOWN HERE***

Now you would think someone who is writing her dissertation on PTSD was comfortable with her own fight.  Well, most of the time I am.  Unfortunately, the nature of PTSD does not leave you in control.  You do not get to pick and choose how you will feel or respond. I have spoken in front of people before concerning my PTSD.  Today, however, was just a day that PTSD was driving the bus and it was racing out of control very quickly!

Flashbacks flooded my head.  I was crying the entire way home.  None of my mind techniques would work.  My service dog clung to me to try and make me feel safe and distract my mind.

I would love to tell you my first thoughts were some beautifully worded prayer that would tickle the ear of any Christian.

Nope!

I screamed at God! I screamed, “Why?”

I screamed, “How could you?”

I screamed, “Where are you?”

I screamed, “WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS!!!!”

What did I hear back? The Holy Spirit brought to my mind Psalms 29:11.   He said I am giving you strength because you are mine.  I am blessing you with peace.  Accept it. Sit back and let me take control of the bus!

My heart stopped racing.  My anger subsided.  Reality began to return.

Thank you, Lord, for your strength and peace. You were with during the trauma.  You held my hand and screamed and cried with me.  You still hold my hand as you fill me with your strength and peace.

My voice has been heard by many young men and women.  My story has been shared before.  I have been the voice of the voiceless.  I wish I would not have gone through my trauma, but I am glad that I survived. For if my journey can save even one person from giving in to the darkness, then I would gladly do it all over again.

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Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

Peace on Earth

Luke 2:14
Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests

My heart grows ill
And I wonder still
Is there place on Earth

So much hate
It seems our fate
To find no peace on Earth

Yet you came
To take the blame
To offer peace on Earth

My faith grows strong
That we’ll right this wrong
As I pray for Peace on Earth

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Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

My Very Cold Cup of Coffee

Luke 10:38-42 (TLB)

38 As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem[a] they came to a village where a woman named Martha welcomed them into her home. 39 Her sister Mary sat on the floor, listening to Jesus as he talked.

40 But Martha was the jittery type and was worrying over the big dinner she was preparing.

She came to Jesus and said, “Sir, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”

41 But the Lord said to her, “Martha, dear friend, you are so upset over all these details! 42 There is really only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it—and I won’t take it away from her!”

First, I want to apologize for not blogging on Friday. I had a jam-packed day and honestly did not even remember until I was falling into bed at 1:30 Saturday morning.

That brings me to today…I have felt like I have been chasing myself all day long and I am a quick little sucker! I have been at least 10 steps behind the entire time. I would just feel like I was making ground and BOOM! There I go taking off again into twenty different directions.

My day started at 6:00 am. It is 2:50 in the afternoon and I just sat down to take a breath and enjoy my now very cold cup of coffee. However, I can finally see my desk. My emails have been answered. Copies are made and lesson plans are done. Whew!

I think I know how Martha felt. I have been that jittery type all day long fretting over all the details of my day. I unfortunatly also know how Martha felt. I did not take time this morning to just spend time with God. I rushed through my morning and didn’t even say good morning God.

I wonder if I had been a little more like Mary at the beginning of my day, I wouldn’t have ended up like Martha the rest of it. I am pretty sure my to-do list would not have gotten any smaller or magically disappeared. But maybe, just maybe, I would have caught up with myself and wouldn’t have felt so jittery. Maybe I wouldn’t be “enjoying” my very cold cup of coffee right now.

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Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.