Waiting Archives - Tabetha’s Devotions

July 25, 2018

HE IS THERE

Psalm 27:1
The LORD is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalms 27:14
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.

Living with any mental illness can drive you to a dark place. I often here others talk about this deep dark pit of despair. I immediately listen to them because I know exactly where they are talking about.

No, it isn’t on a map, but somehow we all describe it as the exact same place. We all speak of it being so dark and small. The walls seem to be slick and yet jagged at the same time. It is impossible to climb out.

The darkness is so think, you could cut it with a knife. You feel the darkness closing in around you, tightening around your throat. Even through the darkness, you know there are things slithering around you.

It is like pure evil moving in and out and around you. Laughing, sneering, telling you lies after lie.

You aren’t enough!

No one likes you!

No one would miss you if you were gone!

The pain is too much to handle!

You have gone too far this time!

You might as well end it all!

You will feel so much better if you just end it now!

If you have never been to this place, count your blessings right now! Family and friends cannot drag you out of this place. For many, who listen to the voices, they can’t even look up to reach God himself. It is as if the world has been swallowed up around you and all you see, hear and feel is this darkness.

It has taken lots of years, and lots of prayers to find things that help me in this pit. Sometimes the answers come quickly. Other times, I struggle. I know when I feel myself slipping I need to reach out to trusted friends to hang on to me. Someone to remind me of the lies I am listening to. Someone to help me reach up to GOD! No matter what those voices are saying, HE IS right there with me. Even when I can’t see HIM or feel HIM!

I have also learned to pray scriptures. I memorize them and ask God to break through those voices and remind me of the verse when I need it. He has always been faithful in answering that prayer. Then, I have to do the foot work. I have to memorize the scriptures and I have to repeat them in the pit.

My voice usually starts off as a whisper, then gets louder and louder, until I drowned out the other voices. They can’t be heard over God’s Word! Some of those verses are the ones I have written at the top!

The LORD is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid. Wait for the LORD: be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. (Psalm 27: 1 & 14)

I don’t know where you are right now. I also don’t know what roads you have traveled or about to go down. I do know that GOD is faithful! He will find you wherever you are! Hang on to HIS word and promises. Even in the darkest of places, HE IS THERE!

July 16, 2018

Perseverance Requires Grace

James 1:4
Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Yes! I would love to run a marathon! It is on my bucket list!

That was me a couple of years ago. I did not run, unless someone was chasing me or the ice cream truck passed me. However, I always wanted to run a marathon and I had 10 months to figure it out because I signed up!

I am going to let you into my world for a moment. At that time in my life, I was a cute, little piece of chunkiness at 250 lbs. Many people, including my doctor, always referred to me as proportionally fat. I am not so sure that was a compliment, but they assured me it was.

Either way, shopping for running shoes and clothing did not come easy. Most athletic stores thought a size 8 was XL! I have to give some props to my most favorite stores in this area though. They both had wonderful staff who didn’t even blink when I said I was going to run a marathon. They congratulated me and offered me all sorts of advice.

My favorite was this little guy (I am sure my shadow weighed more than him) who was a runner. He had ran several marathons. Knowing that I wasn’t the typically shaped runner, he recommended I buy mens’ running shoes because they would handle my more robust frame. He tried to say it so delicately. It was the cutest thing. Then he looked at me and told me to take it slow and give myself plenty of grace.

Grace…now there is a word that I would have never thought of when training for anything athletic. I pictured my workouts more like having a Drill Sergeant on my shoulder calling me every name in the book and telling me I am not good enough and had to try harder. Grace?? Where does grace fit in?

Well, let me tell you Mr. Wisp of a Man was totally correct! You see I had to start out learning to walk 30 minutes without killing myself. I then learned to run for small burst here and there. Next, I learned to run for 30 minutes straight. Eventually, I ran farther and longer. Then I had to learn to run faster. I had to persevere.

Some days were hot, others cold. Rains came down along with sickness. Not to mention I had a few pulled muscles and lots of cramps! Any point along the way I could have said, “Nope! I am not good enough! I am too fat and no fat woman should never run!” I could have quit, but I didn’t.

I offered my body and mind some grace. Sure, I would get up some days and say there was no way I was going to run that many miles. I wasn’t feeling well or the weather wasn’t cooperating. “No problem. I will run as much as I can today instead.” There were even days when I got so sick I couldn’t walk, let alone run. That was OK too. “I will rest up today and hit it hard tomorrow!”

Just like our walk with Christ, we aren’t going to be perfect all the time. We aren’t always going to live in a perfect world. Our days are not going to consist of rainbows and unicorns all the time. It is OK. We just have to persevere. We have to get up and walk again. We offer ourself a little grace and pick right back up and move on.

Before you know it, you will be throwing off everything that hinders you and the sin that so easily entangles and run with perseverance the race marked out for you (Hebrews 12:1).

By the way, I ran that marathon, with my daughter, at 230 lbs. Unfortunately, it was an extremely cold day and half way through I succumbed to hypothermia. But you know what? I can say by the grace of God I ran a half marathon! YAY ME!

June 29, 2018

She is Not Broken Anymore

I know I would normally blog about some experience I am going through and then tie it all nice and neat up with a bow to a bible verse. However, tonight is going to be a little different. A bible study of verses in I Peter, in the Message version of the bible, spoke to me. I really think they speak for themselves and need no wrapping paper or bows.

Since Jesus went through everything you’re going through and more, learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you’ll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want.

Friends, when life gets really difficult, don’t jump to the conclusion that God isn’t on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner.

So if you find life difficult because you’re doing what God said, take it in stride. Trust him. He knows what he’s doing, and he’ll keep on doing it.

1 Peter 4:1-2, 12-13 & 19 The Message

June 27, 2018

Thank You for Traveling that Road

Philippians 1:6
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

No one’s life is all rainbows and unicorns. We all face painful moments that rock out entire world in a matter of seconds.

These moments will change you forever. So let them change you for the good. Let them make you smarter, stronger, and grace filled.

Through these times of trials and tribulations you just might be molding into the person God is preparing as the answer to someone’s prayer. Someone is going to need your wisdom, knowledge and most important empathy when they travel the road behind you.

Right now you may not see the end of the tunnel, but I know the LORD can. He is right next to you every step breathing life into your present and future. He is shining HIS light in the darkest places. Hold on tight.

He is NOT going to leave you or forsake you. His grip is very tight and He will not drop you. No uncertainty, no broken dreams, and NO FEAR can keep you from Him.

Kick, scream, cry, throw a tantrum if you must. But then straighten your crown, remind Satan just who you are and keep moving.

June 4, 2018

Wait Like an Eagle!

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I remember growing up in what you would call a small country church. One of my favorite songs we would sing was based on Isaiah 41:31

They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.
They shall mount up with wings as eagles.
They shall run and not grow weary.
They shall walk and not faint.
Teach me Lord,
Teach Lord to wait.

For those of you who may not know, I am excellent at waiting. NOT! NO WAY! NO HOW!

So, why in the world would I ever love to sing this hymn?

To be honest, it is because of my mom. This has always been one of her favorite verses and she always loved singing it. She always managed to remind me of it when I wasn’t being so patient.

A few years ago, when we were marathon training we would bring this verse up to each other when we were feeling a little low on energy. Even as I ran the marathon that year, I kept humming and singing that song over and over to keep me going.

My biggest problem with waiting is I feel powerless when I am in the middle of something. I have to do something to get started. I have to do something to finish up a project. In the middle, not so much to do. I just have to wait.

And when I wait, my mind starts to wonder and come up with all kinds of problems. I play the “what if” games or “I should have”. I think of all the ways I could have screwed up somewhere. Fear comes knocking down my door.

Recently, I “stumbled” (OK, God may have pushed a little) on a couple of other verses.

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Psalm 37:23-24
The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

I realized even during those waiting times, God is holding my hand. I have nothing to fear when I am in a waiting pattern. God will give me strength to see any project to the end. Even if I have screwed up somewhere along the way, HE will make it come out alright. I have nothing to fear.

This is exactly why when I wait and put all my trust in the LORD, He will strengthen me and give me wings to fly and feet to run and I will not grow weary of waiting.

Tag: Waiting

HE IS THERE

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