Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ~Ephesians 6:13
I call myself a suicide survivor. I have planned my death several times, but every time I was thwarted. I continue to deal with the thought from time to time. However, I am a survivor.
I am not a conqueror in this area of my life. I am still fighting. I am a warrior. I will always fight this fight. I will be a conqueror only when I am dead and not by my own hand.
Maybe my tombstone should say: She was a survivor who became a warrior to finish as a conqueror.
Being a warrior means fighting. For me fighting means talking, making my voice heard. I want to shout out loud so others know they are not alone. We are strong, tens of housands strong. If we make ourselves heard, we can fight together.
Fight the shame, judgement, and labels. We are not broken. No one has anything to be ashamed of. Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of anymore.
For too long, the Christian religion has held to a similar position as the world. Mental illness means there is something wrong with you and you are not enough. Some religious people have taken it even farther telling us we just have no faith or are simply just being tested by God or even worse it is just Satan attacking.
I am not about to argue that it isn’t a test of your faith or an attack of Satan. It very well may be. I am going to argue one word I used above “just.” When we attach the word “just”, it makes it sound like we are weak and lowly. Perhaps, we are second class citizens or not good enough. We are not Christian enough.
I don’t about you, but to survive my mental episodes takes all my strength and courage. I am anything but weak.
They don’t see the darkness I see. They don’t feel the world’s impending doom. They don’t hear those voices telling me I am not loved. I am not good enough. The world would be a much better place without me. They don’t feel the absolute loneliness or the anger that rages inside me. They have no idea what my battles look like. They only see the scars and have the audacity to call me weak!
I know during these deep dark times, I call living in the pit, you feel weak, helpless and maybe even out of control. Let me tell you something you are not asked to be in control. You are not asked to fight your way out and conqueror this evil that is surrounding you. You are asked to stand. Just stand. Once choice to make -exist!
Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6:13
Stand, exist, be still, choose life, wait, be patient, survive, choose your word or phrase it doesn’t matter, just stand!
It is okay to just go into survival mode. You can just simply stand still and wait upon the Lord to renew your strength (Is 40:31). As a matter of fact, it is our command. Stand Firm!
I don’t need to find a way to crawl out of the pit. No need to strike back at those things crawling and slithering around me. Don’t bother answering those voices telling me their lies. Just stand!
Reminds me of watching movies or TV shows where the hero is tied to the chair. The bad guy is trying to threaten him or torture him to get the information. With each insult or punch, the hero just glares straight ahead. He knows what the enemy always fails to miss. Help is on the way. All our hero has to do is wait. Just sit there and endure the storm. Joy will come in the morning (Psalms 30:5).
Can you imagine for one second how Jesus did it? He too just stood there as they tortured him. He stood there on the cross bleeding, beaten, and feeling all alone. he cried out to God, “Where are you” but he waited. He didn’t fight back. He didn’t try to plan his escape. No, he waited on the Lord. He knew joy would come in the morning.
Growing up, my dad use to tell me it wasn’t the bully that was the strong one, it was the man that stood his ground. People around you tell you things like, “Just get over it.” “Just move on.” “Just quit being a drama queen” or my personal favorite, “Just shake if off.” When this happens, remember you are not the weak one. You are very strong at the moment. I mean, first of all, you haven’t punched them in the face. Please tell me I am not the only one that has thought about doing that?!?
These people have no idea how much strength it took to get out of that bed and take a shower. How much strength, energy and power it took to take your meds, eat some breakfast or even just open your eyes. They have no idea how much faith it took to take a breath and wait to see which emotion was going to bubble up and then rush over you like a tidal wave leaving you breathless once again.
No my friend, they have no idea just how strong you really are! You
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