Tag: Hope

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Darkness to Light

Isaiah 41:13 (NIV)

For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.

I promise this devotion is filled with hope and light, but to get there you must travel through my darkness.  Many years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder which brings with it much panic, anxiety, depression, and mania.  As a matter of fact, in more recent years I was told I was diagnosed incorrectly and it is more likely PTSD.

Which ever label you want to give it, there are moments where the darkness attempts to engulf me.  If you suffer from any of these, I urge to reach out to someone.  Do not let go!  It is not the end!  You are not alone!

We are many and God knows each one of us by name.  He has not forgotten or forsaken us.  He is there in the midst of every second of our fight.  He is battling in places we can’t even see and doing things we can’t even imagine.

When the darkness comes and threatens to extinguish all the light around me, I often turn to writing poetry to describe what I am feeling.  The feelings seem so real at the time; I draw pictures in my mind.  The following is an example of my darkness.

The End?

I am spiraling down the hole.
I grasp and grab but nothing is there.
Air slides through my fingers
All is dark, no light at all
When will this end?

I am afraid of hitting bottom
But anything is better than this
The deep depression of unknown
The anxiety, the panic
Will this never end?

What will I find at the bottom?
What is waiting for me there?
Will I die if I reach it?
Will there be an escape?
Do I want to see the end?

I feel so alone
I feel like an idiot
I am out of control
I should have control
Please let this end!

I see how you look at me
I see the anger and disappointment
You think I am making this up
Just looking for attention
This is not what I want in the end

My heart is heavy
My head hangs low
I want to give up
I want to stop trying
I want this to be the end

So, why do I fight?
Why do I care?
Wouldn’t it be just easier to say I am done
It is finished
Now leave me to the end

Yet, I cannot
I am not finished
There is so much more to do
I must continue
I must fight until the end

How do I know God is there?  I know because in that dark cavern when I am ready to just lay down and not get up again there is a small quiet voice.  It just repeats, “I AM here, now fight!”  It starts as the dimmest of light. I can barely see if flickering far off, but it grows each time I focus and listen. It grows louder, brighter, stronger. Its name is Hope and it is hand delivered by I AM.

Isaiah 41:13 (NIV)

For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.


Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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Parts of the Whole

Deuteronomy 4:9 (NIV)
Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.

When I look into the past I see many wonderful memories. I also see some not so wonderful memories. Things that I would rather forget. Like the time I was in the movie theater and my mom leaned over to ask me what time it was. I quickly glanced at my watch only to remember too late that was the hand I had my drink in. OK, now that I am giggling, maybe I do want to keep that one. But I guarantee there a lot more filled with pain, heartache, and tears that I would rather pull out of my head and throw in a bowl and lock away in a cupboard like Professor Dumbledore.

I also have a bunch of mixed memories. After 10 years of marriage, we called it quits. He had moved on to someone else and there was no fixing things. Now there are many moments right there I would rather forget, but what about all those pleasant memories I still carry of our marriage. I mean we did love each once. We also had three wonderful children together. I have many fond memories of birthdays, Christmases, vacations, and family fun nights, do I just throw them away too?

It becomes very tangled when you add to the story that I now have remarried and he brought with him two more children and a past life with another woman. We have made a bunch of new memories together. Do we just cut out our previous lives? Full confession moment, sometimes when I think of an old memory, I feel like I am cheating on my husband.

You may have not gotten a divorce, but you may have been a child of divorce. Or, you may have had other relationships like previous boyfriends or girlfriends, maybe even just an old friendship that ended. The point is we all have previous lives. No matter how embarrassing or hurtful these memories are, they are making you who you are right now.

These wonderful, beautiful pieces of history are teachable moments.

My father always taught me when you walk into a room full of people you will learn something from the smartest person and the dumbest. Well, I am telling you today do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. We can all learn from the most favorable and even the not so favorable.
Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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Faith, Hope, Believe and He will

Hebrews 11:1-2, 6(NASB)
1 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
2 For by it the men of old gained approval.
6 And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.
I grew up in church.  I have faithful parents who have spent a lot of time on their knees praying for me. Now I am a parent.  My children have grown up in church and I have worn out the knees of many good pants on my children.

I am a firm believer there is always hope.  I also know faith and hope work hand in hand. In order to have hope we must have faith and if you have faith you are hoping for something. To add to those words we use the word believe. To have faith and hope I must first believe in something.

Hebrews is asking us to believe, have faith and hope in the God and that He wants to reward us.  That is the part that always tripped me up.  I have no problem believing God could do whatever I needed.  I always struggled with would He.  This verse promises me He will!  He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.

So,the next time you find the doubts sneaking up on you when you pray, remember He wants to give you what you need. Hebrews says so and God never lies!