Hate Archives - Tabetha’s Devotions

July 2, 2018

Express It and Confess It!

Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Did you know you can’t surprise God? Yep, no surprise parties for Him.

Everything you do and don’t do,
Everything you feel and don’t feel,
Everything you think and don’t thing,
He knows it all and is NOT surprised by it.

I came to grips with this a few years back when I was angry at God. My husband came home, on my 10th wedding anniversary, to tell me he was in love with someone else and he wanted a divorce. Here I was all dressed up and ready to go out for a nice dinner. He was two hours late, with no phone call or text, and these were the first words out his mouth. I am pretty sure I had a right to be upset.

I was upset with him, of course, but truth was, I was also angry with God.

I had two choices. One, be the “good little Christian” I was taught to be in my Sunday School class as a child and keep it all boxed up. Put a bow on top and smile my way through it. Two, stomp off to my room give out a wail of an ugly cry and yell and scream at God. Throw the temper tantrums of all tantrums.

Want to guess what I did? If you guessed two, you would be correct!

It was all right there in my heart. God knew it already. I might as well express it! I gave Him both barrels. I may have even thrown in a cuss word here and there.

You know what I found out? God has big shoulders. Confessing to Him every little detail was healing. Hiding it and pretending it doesn’t exist doesn’t make it go away. Your pain will find you!

God was not offended by my brutal honesty. As a matter of fact, I think He is more offended when we hide it. It is like we are out and out lying to His face! We are no better than Adam and Eve trying to hide in garden.

The next time you feel those emotions boiling inside, express them and confess them. Pour out your heart to God. He is our strong refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

June 25, 2018

You Must Step into Freedom

Galatians 5:1
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let ourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

I sat there reliving the moment over and over again. I felt the guilt and anguish. I had really screwed up! I had let my anger get the best of me and I had lashed out at my son, again!

It wasn’t the first time and I am ashamed to say it wasn’t the last either.

When my kids were growing up, I had no idea I had PTSD. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and even bipolar disorder, but no one had even thought of non-combat PTSD.

Non-combat. What does that even mean? It is another label they put on me to let others know that although I have PTSD, it isn’t military related. To us with PTSD, that label has no meaning. We all know the trauma we went through and how it affects each and every one of us.

Most importantly, we know the guilt we carry around because of it.

When the battle is over and the smoke clears, I see the damage I have done. I see the casualties of my sickness. I have to pick up the pieces and try to put them together again.

You don’t have to have PTSD to have these feelings. Any argument can leave you with feelings of guilt. Feelings of would of, could of and should of. It doesn’t matter who was right or who was wrong. The damage is done and no one wins.

Later, as you do pick up those pieces and the mending process starts, the guilt never seems to leave. Oh, it goes away for awhile. But then you are laying there in bed and the darkness creeps in around you. It whispers how wrong you were.

How could you have done that!

No one will ever really forgive you for that!

You are the worst person ever!

You don’t deserve to be forgiven!

You are so stupid!

These words are NOT from God!

Let me repeat that…THESE. WORDS. ARE. NOT. FROM. GOD!

Christ draws us closer to him through conviction. The Holy Spirit prompts us to make corrections in our life. Condemnation brings only darkness into our lives leaving us with more problems and no solutions.

Christ came to set us free from condemnation. He knew we were going to have “those days.” He knew we were going to face “those issues.” He also knew we wouldn’t always choose the right way to handle them. He came so we wouldn’t be held captive by our bad choices forever. We would have freedom to stand up, dust ourselves off and try again.

Our past is a chance for a teaching moment, it should not be a punishment moment. Discipline comes with love, mercy and grace. Punishment comes with hate, evil and condemnation.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let ourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1). Learn from your mistakes and move on. Don’t live as a slave to them for the rest of your life. Christ has opened the door of your cell, but you have to step out into the sunshine.

June 1, 2018

Sit Still in the Dark

Exodus 14:14 NIRV
The Lord will fight for you. Just be still.

When you are in a fight with someone it is so hard to sit still. When that person you are fighting with is yourself it is impossible.

I have spent all of my adult life fighting myself. Mental illnesses is a two-edged sword. You often fight with people around you, never meaning to. Then you turn and fight yourself because of the guilt. You tell yourself the meanest things. Things you would never tell another human being. You hate yourself. For me it is often like an out of body experience. I see the way I am acting and scream but can’t stop myself.

Over the years, I have found the only way I make it through my “episodes” is to sit still. When all those angry voices in my head come to bully me once again, I sit still. It does me know good to fight back. I can’t fight myself. There is nowhere to run or hide. I must sit still. God fights for me. He doesn’t let go. I may not see him or feel him, but he comes for me. He always does.

I have translated these thoughts into other areas of my life. There are times when I need to stand up and fight. However, there are other times God says, “I got this! Sit still and let me fight!” It is in those moments, I am still learning, but always trying to listen. I know how important it is to sit still.

Deep Down Inside
by Tabetha Frick

Imprisoned
Shackled
Darkness surrounds
Deep down inside

Those words are harsh
They cut like a knife
No longer in control
Deep down inside

Why don’t they stop
Can’t they see the pain
Its so dark
Deep down inside

The tears are streaming
The anger is raging
Why is it so dark
Deep down inside

I hear my voice
I try to scream
I am here in the dark
Deep down inside

Too late now
The damage is done
I must wait in the dark
Deep down inside

The light will come
It always does
But for now I wait
Deep down inside

December 18, 2017

Be A Snowman!

Numbers 6:24-26 (NIV)
24 The Lord bless you and keep you;
25 the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
26 the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.

Be A Snowman:

Be a jolly, happy soul
Spend some time outdoors.
Avoid meltdowns.
Be well-rounded.
Live well, life is short!

My friend posted this on her Facebook page today and I just fell in love with it!

Seriously with all the hustle and bustle of the season, we need to take some time and be a snowman. Find the little things in life that make you smile.

Remember we don’t have to do it all. It is OK to say no. And for goodness sake, nothing has to be perfect! Not the decorations. Not the cookies. Not the wrapping. Or even the gifts.

This is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. See it through a child’s eyes. Enjoy the pretty lights. Hold your breath for the sound of jingling bells. Inhale the wonderful smells around you. Sing Christmas Carols at the top of your lungs and totally off key. Or as one of my favorite movies puts it…

So grab your hot chocolate, Christmas cookies and turn on your favorite Christmas movie. And when life sends you a snow storm, start a snowball fight!

May the Lord bless you and keep you;
May He make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
May He turn his face toward you and give you peace.

December 11, 2017

Who is driving the bus?

Psalms 29:11
The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.

I went to a new doctor today. After many years of seeing the same doctor, I had gotten quite comfortable with myself. My doctor was a good friend of mine. Unfortunately, he had to move his practice far enough away that I was no longer able to see him.

I have known about this move for six months. I have been on this new doctor’s list for about 4 months or so, but I had not gone in to see him. I hate meeting new doctors.

Now, I do realize no one likes to go to the doctors. I mean we don’t usually wake up and say…gee I wonder what my doctor is doing today. I think I should make an appointment to see him.

However, I HATE going to the doctor’s office and I REALLY HATE seeing a new doctor!!!!!!

I have quite a few issues. If you have read my older blogs you know one of them is seizures. I have not seen a neurologist in over 10 years because I gave up on them. So, I really hate discussing that problem, but I was expecting it. I also have two types of arthritis, asthma and Crohn’s disease. Again, I don’t like going over my history and what I am currently doing about them, but I was expecting it.

What I wasn’t expecting to discuss, my PTSD.

Before you ask, no my PTSD is not combat PTSD. I was not in the military. I wish my doctor would have asked that and just left it there. But NO! He wants to dive into what trauma in my life could have caused my PTSD.

Here is my theory on PTSD. It is kind of like Fight Club (movie reference). The first rule about Fight Club is you don’t talk about Fight Club! Yep! That sums up my feeling on my PTSD! Unfortunately, this new doctor did not agree.

***INSERT MELTDOWN HERE***

Now you would think someone who is writing her dissertation on PTSD was comfortable with her own fight. Well, most of the time I am. Unfortunately, the nature of PTSD does not leave you in control. You do not get to pick and choose how you will feel or respond. I have spoken in front of people before concerning my PTSD. Today, however, was just a day that PTSD was driving the bus and it was racing out of control very quickly!

Flashbacks flooded my head. I was crying the entire way home. None of my mind techniques would work. My service dog clung to me to try and make me feel safe and distract my mind.

I would love to tell you my first thoughts were some beautifully worded prayer that would tickle the ear of any Christian.

Nope!

I screamed at God! I screamed, “Why?”

I screamed, “How could you?”

I screamed, “Where are you?”

I screamed, “WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS!!!!”

What did I hear back? The Holy Spirit brought to my mind Psalms 29:11. He said I am giving you strength because you are mine. I am blessing you with peace. Accept it. Sit back and let me take control of the bus!

My heart stopped racing. My anger subsided. Reality began to return.

Thank you, Lord, for your strength and peace. You were with during the trauma. You held my hand and screamed and cried with me. You still hold my hand as you fill me with your strength and peace.

My voice has been heard by many young men and women. My story has been shared before. I have been the voice of the voiceless. I wish I would not have gone through my trauma, but I am glad that I survived. For if my journey can save even one person from giving in to the darkness, then I would gladly do it all over again.

December 6, 2017

Peace on Earth

Luke 2:14
Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests

My heart grows ill
And I wonder still
Is there place on Earth

So much hate
It seems our fate
To find no peace on Earth

Yet you came
To take the blame
To offer peace on Earth

My faith grows strong
That we’ll right this wrong
As I pray for Peace on Earth

October 25, 2017

Don’t Write Me Off

Titus 2:11
For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people.

Do you ever think of people as evil?

I know during election years, people love to vilify candidates. As we all know, it never stops there.

If you look back in history, there are names that pop up and most classify them as good or evil. But should they?

Did they do anything good?
Should we write people off as just evil?

My brother was taken from me. He was murdered execution style. It is pretty hard to not look at those who were in on it as not evil.

However, God never said forgive those who deserve it. Titus 2:11 doesn’t say He offers salvation to those who deserve it.

I am working very hard to stop putting people in categories as deserving or not deserving of me. I am trying to not deem a person as entirely good or evil.

Yes, people make bad choices. Yes, I do not agree with everyone all of the time. But it is time for me to stop writing people off because of one part of them.

I want to see the whole person. Then, I can see the deserving part. The hurting part. The beautiful part.

Because…
I am not always deserving. I don’t always have it together. I am not always beautiful. I make bad choices. I do things others don’t approve of. Yet, I am included in Titus under all people. God has not written me off. It is time for me to stop writing people off.

October 13, 2017

Guilty As Charged!

1 Thessalonians 5:15
See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone.

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I came across the above quote on my facebook page today. I fell in love with it immediately. Then I was reading my bible study and BOOM! It hit me. I am guilty!

I can honestly say that on an average day not seeking all-out revenge is a pretty easy idea to follow. Not that the thought doesn’t cross my mind. However, I can control myself enough to not do unto others as they do unto me.

Let me ask you a question. Have you ever given someone the silent treatment or a cold shoulder? Have you ever intentionally not helped someone when they needed all because you were angry with them? This is all called being passive-aggressive and it is revenge.

Yep, this is a well-sharpened tool in my armory. I can wield it at a moments notice. In other words, I AM GUILTY!

I hope and pray that you haven’t perfected this type of revenge, but if you have don’t beat yourself up. We serve a wonderful, grace-filled, patient God; who is waiting with open arms to fill you with his spirit. Then we can all learn to use the new tools of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).

There is enough hate and anger in this world. Let’s not add to it.

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October 5, 2017

You Can Feel…

Matthew 14:13a
As soon as Jesus heard the news, he went off by himself in a boat to a remote area to be alone.

When Jesus heard John the Baptist had been killed, he was sad. Yes, Jesus was sad. He needed to be alone, so he went away to a place of solitude. He needed a moment to feel his feelings and work through them before continuing on with his ministry.

So why do we think we are not allowed to do the same?

Why do we think we must be these superhuman Christians who must carry on no matter what?

I know people mean well when they are trying to cheer me up. I have tried very hard to make people feel better too. However, sometimes I really just want to be left alone. I want to, no I NEED to just feel my pain.

I have tried to be little Miss Pollyanna with the ever-present smile. Trying to please all of the people all of the time. It doesn’t work. It is not healthy and contrary to what some would have you believe it is NOT what Jesus would do.

It is OK to tell people no. It is OK to go find a place of solitude. And it is ok to be sad. Jesus did and isn’t it our goal to be just like him?

October 2, 2017

Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men

Luke 1:78-79

78 All this will be because the mercy of our God is very tender, and heaven’s dawn is about to break upon us, 79 to give light to those who sit in darkness and death’s shadow, and to guide us to the path of peace.

I know it is not Christmas, but today’s tragedy reminds me of a Christmas song, I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day. It is hard to hear peace on earth when hate is so strong. It was bad enough when the shots were fired. However, the hatred that followed from my fellow Americans from both sides is more than I can handle.

There is no reason for anyone to be shouting out anything buy prayers and love right now. However, open social media and all I see is arguing over gun control. I don’t care which side you are on, this is NOT, I repeat, this NOT the time or place. Hate is strong and mocks the song of peace on earth goodwill to men.

My only light is my hope and faith. To all of the doctors, nurses, police officers, EMS, firefighters, blood donors and the heroes who had no regard for their own safety and reached out to help their fellow man, I want to say thank you! Thank you for proving God is not dead, nor does he sleep. The wrong shall fail, the right prevail with peace on earth, goodwill to men.

The following are the original words of Longfellow’s poem: that inspired the song:

I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,

and wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom

Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Till ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,

A voice, a chime,
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Then from each black, accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,

And with the sound
The carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of a continent,

And made forlorn
The households born
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And in despair I bowed my head;
“There is no peace on earth,” I said;

“For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!”

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
“God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;

The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men.”

Tag: Hate

Express It and Confess It!

Like this:

You Must Step into Freedom

Like this:

Sit Still in the Dark

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Be A Snowman!

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Who is driving the bus?

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Peace on Earth

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Don’t Write Me Off

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Guilty As Charged!

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You Can Feel…

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Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men

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