Tag: Depression

Posted on

Let There Be Light…the End

Psalms 97:11
Light shines on the righteous and joy on the upright in heart.

So I began this journey talking about PTSD, anxiety, and depression. I then moved on to my seizures and two wonderful pups that were placed in my life. How do I connect all of this together? That is easy, God!

Only one of my seizure ever came back as epileptic. For many years, I was told my seizure activity was made up. The official term was pseudo-seizures. I had several doctors who truly made me feel like I was making it all up for attention. It wasn’t really their fault. Little was known about seizures at the time.

A few years ago, some new studies came out that linked pseudo-seizures with stress levels much in the same way they link migraines. As a matter of fact, I also suffer from migraines and my doctor said very often instead of coming out as a headache, sometimes my migraines were coming out as seizures.

These stressors can come in many different packages. I have environmental ones like certain foods I am allergic to as well as seasonal allergies. My body getting run down because of being sick or lack of sleep can become a trigger. Then there is the biggest one of all, life!

Annie was very good at noticing when I was getting stressed. She would often walk up to me and get me to pet her to take my mind off things. It was very calming and I can’t tell you how many seizures she helped me avoid by just calming me down. However, when those really difficult moments came and my PTSD kicked in I would get lost in the darkness. Even Annie struggled with how to bring me back.

I don’t know if it was because of the life he endured or if God just decided to equip him with a little extra light, but Meshach knows exactly what to do. Meshach runs to my side when he feels those anxieties creeping up inside me. When I am so frightened, reliving each and every moment of torment, he doesn’t let me walk alone. He cuddles me. He licks me. He simply stays right by my side and never takes his eyes off me. Just like when we first met.

God sends him to light the path for me. He is there to let me know I am not alone and we will get through this together. In the military, it is often referred to as “he’s got my six.” The really cool thing is I have his too. There are times when he leans into me when we are in a big crowd. I reach down, place my hand on his head and he looks up at me with those big brown eyes and I remind him, we are in this together. He lets out a slow breath, stands a little taller and we go on.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future. Right now God has chosen to show me his love and light through four big paws and a very wet nose.

IMG_0059
Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

 

Posted on

Let There Be Light Part 3

Job 22:28
What you decide on will be done, and light will shine on your ways.

We met at a shelter.

When he escaped the man who was trying to put him back in his cage and came and sat in front of me, I knew we had a destiny. I heard several different variations of his back story.  None of them were very nice.  All of them ended with him being at the shelter nearly starved to death at only 4 months old.  He was now 7 months old, very sweet, but he was very timid and didn’t trust people.  As a matter of fact, everyone was just as shocked as I that he came up and just sat in front of me the way he did.

The nice young man came and got him, apologizing to me.  He gently pushed the puppy into his cage and shut the door.  I walked past and then back again.  It was like watching one of those paintings that seem to follow you everywhere.  He would not take his big brown eyes off of me.

My husband thought I was joking and tried walking by to see if he would look at him instead.  All the little pup did was turn his head to try and view around my husband to get another look at me. I was his world and the exact person he had been waiting for.

We got him back out and played with him for a while.  We even took him out to romp in the yard.  He took me to all his favorite spots, stopping every few steps to make sure I was following him.  He brought me various toys and responded with sits and waiting patiently as I looked over each gift.

I left him at the shelter that day because we had several other dogs to look at but I have to say I felt just like him.  With every dog we went to see, I would look around them to see the vision I still had of that cute little boy etched in my mind.

I spent the next morning going over the three dogs we had narrowed it down to.  I explained each one to my mom as we went for our daily walk.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but I really wasn’t giving her much detail about the other two.  As a matter of fact, I would make a comment about them and then say something to compare them to that cute little boy.

I remember my mom looking at me when I was done and saying, “I think you made up your mind and will be heading back to the shelter when we are done here.”  Did I ever tell you my mom is a very wise woman?

I took the paperwork and called my husband on the way to the shelter to let him know I was going to pick the puppy up.  When I got there everything fell into place like God himself had already laid out every step and was shining his light on the path.

What normally takes a couple of days to get approved, took me a couple of hours.  When they brought him out he sat across the room and smiled at me and wagged his tail in delight but he would not come to me at first.  I called him by his name they had given him but he stayed put.

Once again the Holy Spirit intervened with a loving but well-placed thump to my head.  He lovingly reminded me how we always said if we ever got a boy dog we would name him Meshach. So, I looked into his big brown eyes across the waiting room and smiled and said, “Hi, Meshach!”  He broke free from his handler and ran top speed right into my arms.

So about now I am guessing you are wondering about the seizures.  Well, if you remember I had been walking with my mom that morning and we had put in six miles.  I had not eaten much for breakfast and it was now nearly one in the afternoon.  Needless to say, my sugar levels were dropping.

I was sitting on the floor in a little room with Meshach while they finalized the paperwork.  He was entertaining himself by watching the kittens through the glass.  He stopped all of a sudden and walked over to me and put his paws on my shoulders and went nose to nose with me.  I started to shake all over and he just sat on top of me and started licking my face.  Once again God had equipped a dog with the power to know when my seizures were coming and how to best handle me.

What I didn’t know was God had equipped him with so much more!

IMG_0047

Come back tomorrow to read more of our story!
Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

Posted on

Let There Be Light Part 2

Psalms 67: 1 & 2
May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face shine upon us, that your ways may be known on earth, your salvation among all nations.

This was not my first service dog. As a matter fact, my first answer to prayer had come eleven years before. Let me back up a little.

It was September of 2006. I had spent the last thirteen years going from doctor to doctor and trying a long list of medicines to control my seizures. Nothing was working and I had enough. I gave up all meds and decided to try a totally different avenue.

After lots of research and prayer, I chose to seek out the assistance of a service dog. My doctor at the time refused to sign off for me to get one from a company who trained seizure response dogs. As a matter of fact, he didn’t believe in them and told me he thought it was a bunch of “Hooey” and yes that was his professional opinion!

With the help of the company and lots of lessons from other sources, I learned how to train service dogs. So, we went on a search for the perfect dog. We called it operation Annie. My mother-in-law’s best friend had passed away and she was all about children and animals. I wanted to honor her memory.

My husband and I walked into a local shelter to just take a look. I remember I was on the phone with a friend walking around when my husband stopped in front of me. I heard him laughing. He had tried to walk by a cage and a cute little puppy reached out and grabbed him and wouldn’t let go.

MVC-545F

We escorted the little bundle of brown fur to a play area. She was all over my husband and would have nothing to do with me. I thought there was no way this dog was going to make a good service dog for me. However, my husband was in love and there was no telling him no.

So as he went to sign the papers and pay, I was left sitting in a little fenced in area. It was a showdown. We stared at each other. I hated the name they had given her. I sat there trying to decide what name we should give her. I swear I felt the Holy Spirit hit me upside the back of the head and say, “I don’t know what about Annie!” I felt like an idiot, but I looked at her and said, “Hi, Annie.” She leaped across the space between us and fell into my lap giving me the facial of all facials. That was just the beginning of many miracles yet to come.

Within the first week of owning this 6-week old chocolate lab/German pointer mix, she alerted to two seizures. Now let me explain something to you. You cannot train a dog to alert to a seizure. It is a rare thing for them to be able to pick up on them ahead of time. When you train a dog, you simply train them to respond once you start having one. This little thing dug her heels and would not walk another step, turned and jumped up on me before I had a seizure. I can only explain this with one word, God!

Over the next ten years, she served me well. She not only would give me a 15 to 30 minutes heads up, but she also learned how to make me start breathing again. It happened when she was quite small. She watched my mother push in on my diaphragm when I quit breathing during a seizure. The next time it happened she jumped on me trying to push in the same spot. When she realized it wasn’t working, she got frustrated and she bit me. It shocked me right out of it and I began to breathe again. Again, I can only sum this up as God!

Annie was a blessing to so many people. God truly shined his light through her everywhere she went.  She worked with kids with emotional issues as a therapy dog. She alerted to not only my seizures but also a student of mine’s, a substitute teacher’s I worked with and my son’s. She helped educate our community about service dogs and spent many hours in hospitals and nursing homes comforting people.

In 2015, Annie became very ill. When she finally bounced back she wasn’t the same dog. Her ‘get up and go’ was a little slower, her tail wagged a little less and she began to bump into things. Annie was going blind. We both knew it was time to find a replacement, but how was I ever going to replace her. The love of my life. The saver of my life many times over.

It would take lots of prayers, lots of dogs and seven months of searching. To paraphrase Bogart in Casablanca, “Of all the shelters in all the towns, in all the world, I walked into his.”

Come back tomorrow for more of my story.

IMG_0027
Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

Posted on

Let There Be Light Part​ 1

Genesis 1:3
Let there be light. 

John 8:12
I am the light of the world.

How do you explain PTSD, anxiety, or depression to someone who has never been there?

How do you tell someone watching their loved one suffer that they cannot help or make it go away?  It isn’t their fault.  They did nothing wrong. Don’t take it personally. Their loved one is fighting their demons and they just got caught in the crossfire.

How do you tell someone if I could get out of bed, or off this couch, I would?  If I could quit crying, I would.  If I could stop flying off the handle, I would.  If I could. I would.

No. I didn’t choose to be this way today.  No. I haven’t gotten up on the wrong side of the bed.  No. I am not just feeling a little blue.  No. It isn’t just that time of the month. No. I am not angry at you.

How do I explain how I fee? I feel like I am trying to sweep a dirt floor in the middle of a hurricane.  I can hear everyone around me trying to explain it is a dirt floor.  I know the more I sweep the more dirt I will find.  I hear you scream out, “Why in the heck are you doing this?” while the wind whips around me depositing even more dirt.  But. I. Still. Sweep. And sweep.  And sweep.  I can’t stop.  The broom keeps moving and my hands are glued to it.  I can’t even look up to take a breath.  I. Must. Sweep.

There are no remedies to these problems.  There are no cure-alls.  There is just coping.  Getting through.  Today I would like to let you in on a few of my getting throughs.

Please let me start by explaining there are many medications that can help with the chemical imbalances that occur with PTSD, anxiety, and depression.  My body just doesn’t play well with any of them.  For those they work for, Praise God!  I am so excited for you. I have family and friends who find help in this area.

When I finally figured out meds were not for me, I reached out to others.  I prayed so hard for God to just take it all away. He chose to send me some help instead.  He put people in my life who understood.  People I could turn to in the darkness, who would hold my hand and walk with me. They became lights in my darkness.

I appreciate those people more than they will ever know or understand.  I know I can text and call them at the drop of a hat and they are there. But I didn’t want to always be dependent on them.  That is when God stepped in and said, “Let there be light!”

My light came in the form of four big paws and a very wet nose.  He, like me, ​had gone through some very unpleasant things in his life and was looking for just the right person to love him.

To learn more of my story come back tomorrow.
Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

Posted on

Who Can Compete With Me?

Galatians 6:4

Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else 

John Lennon sang a song called Imagine.  In one of the verses, he sings:

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people living life in peace, you

Basically, he is saying what if we could get rid of all of our differences and have no competition. Now, he also goes on to say he realizes he is just a dreamer, but he hopes more people have this dream too.

Competition and differences are a part of life.  As you read this, I am competing for your time.  I mean there are million other things you could be doing, right?

So what does the bible say about competing or competition? Well I found a couple of references

1 Corinthians 9:25
Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.

2 Timothy 2:5
Similarly, anyone who competes as an athlete does not receive the victor’s crown except by competing according to the rules.

and then there, of course, are some on running a race

2 Timothy 4:7
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

1 Corinthians 9:24
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

Then there is my favorite

Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us

I love this verse because for me one of the biggest hinders is the competition itself.  I want to compare myself to everyone around me.

I was a marathon runner and one thing I learned early on was to quit comparing myself to everyone else and work on my own personal best.  When I concentrated on what everyone else around me was doing I would just get frustrated and angry because I couldn’t match their abilities.  When I concentrated on competing with myself I would find victories over time I ran just a little faster or longer.

My competing with everyone around me became a hindrance that led to a sin of jealousy and envy.  I began to get angry and others.  It is so easy to fall into that entanglement and the world does not help with this.  Just turn on the TV, log on to social media or open a magazine and you will see some beautiful woman who has it all together.  All of a sudden you look at yourself and you are too short, too tall, too fat, too thin. Your kids aren’t perfect enough.  Your spouse doesn’t love you enough.  Your house isn’t fancy and way too messy. You need more money for a new car or fancy vacation. There are millions of other comparisons you can make.

Screen Shot 2017-08-10 at 2.39.27 PM

Let’s take a moment with John Lennon and imagine there is a place where we don’t compare ourselves to others.  Instead, we just work on competing with ourselves.  We take each day to make it a little brighter than the day before.  We move a few steps closer to a goal we have set.  We celebrate our victories each night when we realize even if the day wasn’t perfect, we survived it and are going to get up tomorrow and try again.

Let’s test our own actions. Then we can take pride in ourselves alone, without comparing ourselves to someone else. (Galatians 6:4) 

We haven’t finished the race, but we haven’t quit either. That is a victory worth celebrating!
Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

Posted on

Darkness to Light

Isaiah 41:13 (NIV)

For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.

I promise this devotion is filled with hope and light, but to get there you must travel through my darkness.  Many years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder which brings with it much panic, anxiety, depression, and mania.  As a matter of fact, in more recent years I was told I was diagnosed incorrectly and it is more likely PTSD.

Which ever label you want to give it, there are moments where the darkness attempts to engulf me.  If you suffer from any of these, I urge to reach out to someone.  Do not let go!  It is not the end!  You are not alone!

We are many and God knows each one of us by name.  He has not forgotten or forsaken us.  He is there in the midst of every second of our fight.  He is battling in places we can’t even see and doing things we can’t even imagine.

When the darkness comes and threatens to extinguish all the light around me, I often turn to writing poetry to describe what I am feeling.  The feelings seem so real at the time; I draw pictures in my mind.  The following is an example of my darkness.

The End?

I am spiraling down the hole.
I grasp and grab but nothing is there.
Air slides through my fingers
All is dark, no light at all
When will this end?

I am afraid of hitting bottom
But anything is better than this
The deep depression of unknown
The anxiety, the panic
Will this never end?

What will I find at the bottom?
What is waiting for me there?
Will I die if I reach it?
Will there be an escape?
Do I want to see the end?

I feel so alone
I feel like an idiot
I am out of control
I should have control
Please let this end!

I see how you look at me
I see the anger and disappointment
You think I am making this up
Just looking for attention
This is not what I want in the end

My heart is heavy
My head hangs low
I want to give up
I want to stop trying
I want this to be the end

So, why do I fight?
Why do I care?
Wouldn’t it be just easier to say I am done
It is finished
Now leave me to the end

Yet, I cannot
I am not finished
There is so much more to do
I must continue
I must fight until the end

How do I know God is there?  I know because in that dark cavern when I am ready to just lay down and not get up again there is a small quiet voice.  It just repeats, “I AM here, now fight!”  It starts as the dimmest of light. I can barely see if flickering far off, but it grows each time I focus and listen. It grows louder, brighter, stronger. Its name is Hope and it is hand delivered by I AM.

Isaiah 41:13 (NIV)

For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.


Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

Posted on

Deeply Distressed and Troubled

Mark 14:12 (NIV)

“Abba, Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you.  Take this cup from me.  Yet not what I will, but what you will.”

Do you hear that?  Yep, it is my knees knocking AGAIN!  I have been in the education field for going on 18 years.  However, when I have to stand up in front of a group of people I still get the proverbial butterflies (seems more like bats) in my tummy.  My hands get all sweaty, my stomach turns, my heart races and then there is the shaking all over.

Have you ever been there?  Do you ever get a case of the nerves?  Maybe it isn’t public speaking that makes you want to run.  Maybe there is something else that can rock your world in a matter of 2.2 seconds.  Whatever it is, I want you to know…it is normal!  You are not going to die of a heart attack, you probably won’t even throw up or faint or anything. Hmmm, maybe I shouldn’t promise the last two, although I did say probably;0)

Can I tell you a little secret?  Did you know that Jesus got a case of the nerves? No, really!  It says right in Mark 14:33-34.

He (Jesus) took Peter, James, and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. “Stay here and keep watch (NIV).

If that doesn’t sound like a case of the nerves, I don’t know what does. Jesus knew his time was coming to an end.  He knew what he was going to face next.

Now, I realize what he was about to face: his betrayal, arrest, conviction, punishment, and death would certainly make anyone deeply distressed and troubled.  What I want you to realize is he didn’t stay that way.  He knew exactly where to turn.

“Abba, Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will” Mark 14:12 (NIV).

When Jesus was deeply distressed and troubled he turned to the one person that he knew would pull him through, his Father, God!

I want to challenge you today.  No matter what impossible nerve racking, knee knocking deeply distressed and troubled problem you are facing, turn to the one who will walk you through it.

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. Psalms 55:22 (NIV)


Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

Posted on

Action Verbs for Anxiety

Psalms 27:14 (NASB)

Wait for the Lord;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord.

Have you ever been fidgety? You know when you are worried about something and you mumble (or scream) those famous words, “Well, I can’t just sit here and do nothing!” When that phrase reaches your mind and you know there is nothing you can do, take heart. You can take action. You should take action. You should:

Wait for the Lord;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord.

Wait-Be-Let-Take-Wait
These are action verbs. These are the actions you need to do when you are feeling anxious. This is what you have control over. This is doing your part.

I know it isn’t easy and I wish I could say, I am perfect and this works for me every time so you can do it too! But, I’m not an infomercial and this isn’t easy. Although if you do it, God promises it will work every time. You may not like the length of time it takes. Heck you may not even like the answer you get. However,God will reward you with what you need an He always sends His best for you.

So the next time you can’t stand it any longer. Please remember to take action.

Wait for the Lord;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord.