Tag: Depression

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Save Me from My Darkness

Romans 10:13 HCSB
For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. 

PTSD throws me back to the times and places of my attacks.  Not only do I feel emotionally and physically everything around me, I also hear everything that was happening then.  I smell everything just like it was. I can even taste the moment.  Everything in the here and now melts away and I am thrown back into that exact moment over and over again. I relive it like a nightmare that will not end.

As I sit in my pit of despair, when my PTSD has sent me over the edge and all I see is darkness all around, the old demons come back.  I can hear the laughter and hissing all around. I feel the inky darkness of evil overtaking me. Thoughts of self mutilation and even suicide become a familiar tune.

I have admitted these feelings to few people.  Only a couple of people in my life truly understand and have even walked these pathways too. As a matter of fact, this is the first time I have put these thoughts in writing.  My poetry is often dark and obscure, but I have never out and out talked about self mutilation and suicide.

I have done lots of research and ready many books on PTSD, as well as other mental disorders. For years my doctors thought I was bipolar. It took one doctor to finally look at me and hear my story to realize it was actually PTSD.

Recently, I picked up another book from an author not only spoke to me, but seemed to be walking right beside me. In the Middle of the Mess is Sheila Walsh’s story of her own fight with depression, including suicidal thoughts.

In one part of the book she was describing a particular night where she was fighting the darkness all around her.  Her experience was very similar to the one I described above.  She remembers calling out Romans 10:13

“I called that verse out loud and I believed it. I called on His name and believed Him. I had been saved from hell and into eternity ever since, as an eleven-year-old girl, I accepted Jesus as my Savior. But that night I needed saving in the present, and I knew it. It wasn’t that I needed to become a Christian again; instead, I needed the power of the living Word of God to save me from the present tormentors.”

I have been saved since I was seven years old.  I am a Pastor’s wife and have been in church all my life.  I have heard or read that verse millions of times, but never like this.  I have always read it as part of the salvation road or Roman’s Road as we always called it.  I never looked at it in present tense.  I called out and the LORD saved me.

In the middle of my darkest times, I call out and the LORD saves me.

I don’t know what you are going through right now or what you may be facing tomorrow.  I do know that everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.  This does not just mean salvation from your sins when you become a Christian.  You will be saved from your circumstances. I don’t know how. I don’t know when, but I know the LORD will save you! So hang in and repeat this with me and keep repeating it until you believe it!

For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. Romans 10:13

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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You Are Guac!

Psalms 139:13-14
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

I recently read a story about a speaker who stepped out on stage and pulled a $100 bill out of his pocket.  He asked the audience, “Who would like to have this $100 bill?” Hands shot up all over.

He then took the bill and crumpled it up, threw it on the ground, stomped on it and got it all dirty and nasty.  Once again, he asked the audience, “Who would like to have this $100 bill?” Again, the same hands shot up all over the place.

The speaker when on to explain this is why God still wants you! It doesn’t matter how beat up, tore up, dirty or crumpled you are, He still sees your worth! Just like no matter what is done to that $100 bill, nothing changes its worth. Nothing will ever change our worth to God!

If someone hasn’t told you today, you should know you are fearfully and WONDERFULLY made and God makes WONDERFUL things. I guarantee in God’s eyes you are the guacamole NOT the salsa!

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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Hold My Hand

Isaiah 41:13
I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear. I will help you.”

I am not one to repost someone else’s blog, but I was struggling all day with exactly what to say and how to say it.  I knew what I wanted to talk about today, but the words just were not coming together.

Then I sat down to check my email and here was a blog from Jill Savage expressing just what I was feeling. I couldn’t say it any better, so I decided to pass it on.

The nurse walked into my room and said, “Jill it’s time to go. You’ll need to leave your glasses here.” Mark prayed for me, gave me a kiss and then waved as the nurse wheeled me out of my room towards my lumpectomy surgery. Without my glasses I can’t see much so the feeling of being disoriented seemed to heighten the emotion of the moment.

That’s when the words of Isaiah 41:13 flooded into my mind. “I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear. I will help you.”

God settled my heart with just a few words…just a few of HIS words, that is.

My surgeon prays for her patients before surgery. She had no idea the implication it had for me when she stopped in the presurgical area, held my RIGHT hand, and prayed for me.  Coincidence?  I think not.

This verse stuck with me through all my dark seasons: my husband’s infidelity, my breast cancer diagnosis, our adopted son’s mental illness and suicide attempts.

Today I’m prompted to share it with you because if you don’t need it today, you will need at some point in time. Real life is messy.  We need God’s word to anchor our soul when the waves of real life seem to be tossing us around.

Whatever you’re facing today…He’s holding your hand.

The post He’s Holding Your Hand appeared first on Jill Savage.

 

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Sit Still in the Dark

Exodus 14:14 NIRV 
The Lord will fight for you. Just be still.

When you are in a fight with someone it is so hard to sit still. When that person you are fighting with is yourself it is impossible.

I have spent all of my adult life fighting myself. Mental illnesses is a two-edged sword. You often fight with people around you, never meaning to. Then you turn and fight yourself because of the guilt. You tell yourself the meanest things. Things you would never tell another human being. You hate yourself. For me it is often like an out of body experience. I see the way I am acting and scream but can’t stop myself. 

Over the years, I have found the only way I make it through my “episodes” is to sit still. When all those angry voices in my head come to bully me once again, I sit still. It does me know good to fight back. I can’t fight myself. There is nowhere to run or hide. I must sit still. God fights for me. He doesn’t let go. I may not see him or feel him, but he comes for me. He always does. 

I have translated these thoughts into other areas of my life. There are times when I need to stand up and fight. However, there are other times God says, “I got this! Sit still and let me fight!” It is in those moments, I am still learning, but always trying to listen. I know how important it is to sit still.

Deep Down Inside
by Tabetha Frick

Imprisoned
Shackled
Darkness surrounds 
Deep down inside

Those words are harsh
They cut like a knife
No longer in control
Deep down inside

Why don’t they stop
Can’t they see the pain
Its so dark 
Deep down inside

The tears are streaming
The anger is raging
Why is it so dark 
Deep down inside

I hear my voice
I try to scream
I am here in the dark 
Deep down inside

Too late now
The damage is done
I must wait in the dark 
Deep down inside

The light will come
It always does
But for now I wait
Deep down inside

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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​The LORD’s Great Love

Leviticus 3:22-23
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Days turn into weeks, weeks into months and months into years.  Some seasons we go through are down right tough.  But we must always rememer that the LORD’s great love for us is what sees us through any stormy sea.

Tonight I would like to just pray for you just as Paul did over the Ephisians.

14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (Ephisians 3:14-21).

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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Troubles Will Come and So Will God

Psalms 91:1
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

When my life hits a rough patch, I love to read Psalm 91. It reminds me, God still rules. God is still in control. I have a place to go to breathe!

There is no such thing as a life without troubles. When those troubles hit there will be pain. There will be sadness and anger. There will be hatred and worry. There will be lots of tears.

However, the psalmist has also promised there will be God!

God will provide a refuge, shelter, protection, a place to breathe.

Yes, troubles will come, but God will be with me every step of the way.

Psalm 91
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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What’s Your Dream?

Hebrews 10:23-25
23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

 

I spent some time praying and reading my bible yesterday.  It became one of those deep thinking times.  I admit some days I just go through the motions.  I read and pray and then get on with my day.  However, yesterday was not one of those days.

I felt a like I was being drawn very close to God.  I just couldn’t get enough of him.  Then at one point, I heard a still small voice whisper, “What is your dream?” I was flabbergasted.  I mean I was really speechless.  I couldn’t answer.

For the past month, I have hit a desert spell you often hear Christians talk about.  I knew God was around.  I still had faith and hope.  I saw blessings and answers to prayer, but I felt depleted. I just didn’t know where I was going and what I wanted to do.  I felt like a warrior without a mission.

So when God asked me what was my dream, I answered the only way I knew how.  I prayed God give me a dream. This morning he did just that!

I opened my bible study and again there where the words “What is your dream?” It was followed by some suggestions and the one that sang into my heart was writing.  Earlier this month I was hit with some rejection of my writing.  It really blew the wind right out of my sails. In many ways, I was giving up on my dreams. The good news is God wasn’t!

He popped Hebrews 10:23-25 in my lap to remind me why I wanted to write in the first place.  Right before my eyes was my dream! I realized I had let one rejection kill my dream.  Good thing I have a God in the business of resurrections!  He certainly resurrected my dream.

What about you?  What is your dream?

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Sit Back and Watch

Philippians 4:6-7
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

In one of my devotions this morning, I was reading about not worrying and learning to trust God with all your problems.  I loved it when the author said to tell him your problem with trusting and thanksgiving, then watch him supply your need.

Then watch him supply your need…

I pondered these words for a few minutes and two things came to mind right away.

First, just like Elsa, we need to Let it Go! I am not saying stop praying, but stop worrying.  You have turned it over to the only one that has total control over the situation.  Let him do his thing.  Often when something is eating at me, I have to turn to verse seven.  I lay claim to that peace which transcends all understanding.  I have to tell Satan (and myself) I have already prayed about this and it is out of my hands and now I am going to rely on God’s peace!

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Second, (I chuckle at this one because it sounds so like me) when we make our problems known to God it doesn’t say, give him your suggestions for solutions. It says to make your requests known.

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Maybe that is why he tags on verse seven, hoping if we relax in his peace we will Let it Go and Let God.

God never promised us life without problems.  He promised to walk through life with all of its problems right beside us.  Troubles will come our way.  Anxieties and worries will strain our very last bit of hope and faith.  However, we can take all of our problems to God and be assured he will send you peace while you sit back and wait for him to supply your need in his own way and his own time.

Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.​​
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Who Cares?!?!

Psalms 27:1
The Lord is my light and my salvation — whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life — of whom shall I be afraid?

January is a rotten time of year. Every commercial seems to scream “You are fat!” I don’t care if you are watching TV, scrolling social media, reading your email or picking up a magazine. You are bombarded with this message.

Then there are all the other messages that tell you are unorganized, lazy, or totally in debt.

I am not saying some of these things aren’t true, but there is one huge problem with all of these messages. They start you down a road of COMPARING!

I am convinced comparing is the go-to weapon of choice for the enemy. If he can open that door even a smidge, he gets you hooked. Your mind starts down a trail that is so hard to turn away from.

You try the first exit and it leads you to depression and despair because you don’t measure up. The next exit has you all holier than thou because at least you are not as bad as that person. No matter where you turn your focus remains on one thing…YOU!

Let’s get to the truth right now. You start worrying about what everyone else around you thinks. You are afraid people are not going to like you and think you aren’t good enough.

How do I know this? Because I have worn out way too many pairs of shoes on that journey. Can I tell you something I am trying to remember?

Who cares!?!?

I don’t care if I ever look like those rich, skinny women, with the perfectly organized house and thousands of followers on Pinterest. If God wanted me to be them he would have made me them. God made me the way he wanted me with my own unique qualities and talents. I need to be more aware of what he thinks of me.

You know what he thinks of you? He loves you right where you are now.

He doesn’t care if you fit into a bikini. You are perfect to him.

He doesn’t care if your home looks like the cover of a magazine. You are perfect to him.

He doesn’t care if you have organized your entire life on the most beautiful planner money can buy. You are perfect to him.

There is no need to be afraid of what everyone else thinks because the Lord is ou light and my salvation — whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of our life — of whom shall I be afraid?

Let’s not wear out another pair of shoes trying to compare our lives to someone else. Instead, let’s skip down the road of life together enjoying what we have and who we are.

 

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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Light a Candle for Me

Psalms 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

This time of year can be quite difficult for those who have lost someone.  Every ornament you unpack, every Christmas song you hear, every smell or taste can bring back memories.  Some good.  Some not so good. But they all seem to hurt.

It has been many Christmases without my brother.  I would love to tell you the pain has gone away.  However, just when I think I have moved on and the pain is all gone something triggers a memory.

Yes, I cry and miss him dearly.  But I must say I wouldn’t wish any of those memories away.  As long as I have those memories, he will never be far from me.

Today, I would love to count the blessings you shared with your loved ones.  Sometimes that is the best way to get yourself out of a funk.  Remind yourself of what you had and still have.

So, here is my favorite Christmas memory with my brother…

It was Christmas morning and we were all excited, just like every other child in the world.  The tree was packed with presents.  My mom had gotten smart and not put our names on any of them.  Instead, she had wrapped our presents in specific paper. Only she knew which one was which.

I remember my dad handing both of us a similar sized package.  We were instructed to open them at the same time.

We dove in to see who could open the fastest.  My brother probably won, but I will never admit that…lol!

Our eyes were HUGE!  We both got radio controlled vehicles.  His was a semi-truck and mine a sporty little red car. We couldn’t get them out of the packages fast enough and into the kitchen to try them out.

My mom’s kitchen was really cool.  It had an island in the middle where the stove was.  So, we had the perfect race track to try our cars out.  I just knew I would win!  Being the little sister it was of great importance that I did!

We set the rules.  Three times around the track and the first one to get back to the tree was the winner.

He pulled ahead because he was so much better at controlling his truck. I seemed to be playing bumper cars with the wall. The next round found me more adept and I started to pull ahead.

Then something strange happened as we made our third round. Both vehicles began to slow down.  We pushed the buttons as hard as we could but there was no making them go faster.  The batteries were simply giving out. Neither of us made it back to the tree.

Our heads hung low with disappointment. We thought for sure our brand new toys were broken.  But then my father let out a laugh that made his belly rival Santa’s.  He looked at my mom and she too had a twinkle in her eye. It seems the night before they felt the need to check out our cars “just to make sure they worked.”  With all their quality control, they had run down the batteries.

My brother and I never let them forget that Christmas.

Through the years, as I wrapped my kids’ gifts and even now as I prepare to wrap my grandchildren’s toys,  I remember the story of the year the elves played with our toys.  I can feel my brother’s arm around me and hear his laughter once more. My eyes begin to fill, but the tears are filled with more joy than sorrow and a smile breaks across my face.

Hang on to the memories.  Cry when you need to but try to find a smile.  It is in those memories you will find comfort that your loved one isn’t gone for good.

I do want to send out a special hug to all of those who are celebrating the first Christmas without a loved one.  I want you to know I am thinking of you and sending you lots of love.  Nothing I can type or say will make the feelings go away.  So, I will just simply leave you with this thought.

Smile Upon Your Face
By Tabetha Frick

Take a moment to breathe
Take a moment to grieve
Then wipe those tears
Remember the years
That I brought a smile to your face

The good and bad
The times we had
Though not enough
I know its rough
But let them bring a smile to your face

I hope my dear
This brings you cheer
For I am now at rest
But was always blessed
By the smile upon your face

Thanks for the memories Kenny! I love you!

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Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.