Tag: Anxiety

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You Must Step into Freedom

Galatians 5:1
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let ourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

I sat there reliving the moment over and over again. I felt the guilt and anguish. I had really screwed up! I had let my anger get the best of me and I had lashed out at my son, again!

It wasn’t the first time and I am ashamed to say it wasn’t the last either.

When my kids were growing up, I had no idea I had PTSD. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and even bipolar disorder, but no one had even thought of non-combat PTSD.

Non-combat. What does that even mean? It is another label they put on me to let others know that although I have PTSD, it isn’t military related.  To us with PTSD, that label has no meaning. We all know the trauma we went through and how it affects each and every one of us. 

Most importantly, we know the guilt we carry around because of it.

When the battle is over and the smoke clears, I see the damage I have done.  I see the casualties of my sickness. I have to pick up the pieces and try to put them together again.

You don’t have to have PTSD to have these feelings. Any argument can leave you with feelings of guilt. Feelings of would of, could of and should of. It doesn’t matter who was right or who was wrong. The damage is done and no one wins.

Later, as you do pick up those pieces and the mending process starts, the guilt never seems to leave.  Oh, it goes away for awhile. But then you are laying there in bed and the darkness creeps in around you. It whispers how wrong you were. 

How could you have done that!

No one will ever really forgive you for that!

You are the worst person ever!

You don’t deserve to be forgiven!

You are so stupid!

These words are NOT from God!

Let me repeat that…THESE. WORDS. ARE. NOT. FROM. GOD!

Christ draws us closer to him through conviction. The Holy Spirit prompts us to make corrections in our life. Condemnation brings only darkness into our lives leaving us with more problems and no solutions.

Christ came to set us free from condemnation. He knew we were going to have “those days.” He knew we were going to face “those issues.” He also knew we wouldn’t always choose the right way to handle them. He came so we wouldn’t be held captive by our bad choices forever. We would have freedom to stand up, dust ourselves off and try again. 

Our past is a chance for a teaching moment, it should not be a punishment moment. Discipline comes with love, mercy and grace. Punishment comes with hate, evil and condemnation.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let ourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1). Learn from your mistakes and move on. Don’t live as a slave to them for the rest of your life. Christ has opened the door of your cell, but you have to step out into the sunshine.

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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Save Me from My Darkness

Romans 10:13 HCSB
For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. 

PTSD throws me back to the times and places of my attacks.  Not only do I feel emotionally and physically everything around me, I also hear everything that was happening then.  I smell everything just like it was. I can even taste the moment.  Everything in the here and now melts away and I am thrown back into that exact moment over and over again. I relive it like a nightmare that will not end.

As I sit in my pit of despair, when my PTSD has sent me over the edge and all I see is darkness all around, the old demons come back.  I can hear the laughter and hissing all around. I feel the inky darkness of evil overtaking me. Thoughts of self mutilation and even suicide become a familiar tune.

I have admitted these feelings to few people.  Only a couple of people in my life truly understand and have even walked these pathways too. As a matter of fact, this is the first time I have put these thoughts in writing.  My poetry is often dark and obscure, but I have never out and out talked about self mutilation and suicide.

I have done lots of research and ready many books on PTSD, as well as other mental disorders. For years my doctors thought I was bipolar. It took one doctor to finally look at me and hear my story to realize it was actually PTSD.

Recently, I picked up another book from an author not only spoke to me, but seemed to be walking right beside me. In the Middle of the Mess is Sheila Walsh’s story of her own fight with depression, including suicidal thoughts.

In one part of the book she was describing a particular night where she was fighting the darkness all around her.  Her experience was very similar to the one I described above.  She remembers calling out Romans 10:13

“I called that verse out loud and I believed it. I called on His name and believed Him. I had been saved from hell and into eternity ever since, as an eleven-year-old girl, I accepted Jesus as my Savior. But that night I needed saving in the present, and I knew it. It wasn’t that I needed to become a Christian again; instead, I needed the power of the living Word of God to save me from the present tormentors.”

I have been saved since I was seven years old.  I am a Pastor’s wife and have been in church all my life.  I have heard or read that verse millions of times, but never like this.  I have always read it as part of the salvation road or Roman’s Road as we always called it.  I never looked at it in present tense.  I called out and the LORD saved me.

In the middle of my darkest times, I call out and the LORD saves me.

I don’t know what you are going through right now or what you may be facing tomorrow.  I do know that everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.  This does not just mean salvation from your sins when you become a Christian.  You will be saved from your circumstances. I don’t know how. I don’t know when, but I know the LORD will save you! So hang in and repeat this with me and keep repeating it until you believe it!

For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. Romans 10:13

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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You Are Guac!

Psalms 139:13-14
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

I recently read a story about a speaker who stepped out on stage and pulled a $100 bill out of his pocket.  He asked the audience, “Who would like to have this $100 bill?” Hands shot up all over.

He then took the bill and crumpled it up, threw it on the ground, stomped on it and got it all dirty and nasty.  Once again, he asked the audience, “Who would like to have this $100 bill?” Again, the same hands shot up all over the place.

The speaker when on to explain this is why God still wants you! It doesn’t matter how beat up, tore up, dirty or crumpled you are, He still sees your worth! Just like no matter what is done to that $100 bill, nothing changes its worth. Nothing will ever change our worth to God!

If someone hasn’t told you today, you should know you are fearfully and WONDERFULLY made and God makes WONDERFUL things. I guarantee in God’s eyes you are the guacamole NOT the salsa!

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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Hold My Hand

Isaiah 41:13
I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear. I will help you.”

I am not one to repost someone else’s blog, but I was struggling all day with exactly what to say and how to say it.  I knew what I wanted to talk about today, but the words just were not coming together.

Then I sat down to check my email and here was a blog from Jill Savage expressing just what I was feeling. I couldn’t say it any better, so I decided to pass it on.

The nurse walked into my room and said, “Jill it’s time to go. You’ll need to leave your glasses here.” Mark prayed for me, gave me a kiss and then waved as the nurse wheeled me out of my room towards my lumpectomy surgery. Without my glasses I can’t see much so the feeling of being disoriented seemed to heighten the emotion of the moment.

That’s when the words of Isaiah 41:13 flooded into my mind. “I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear. I will help you.”

God settled my heart with just a few words…just a few of HIS words, that is.

My surgeon prays for her patients before surgery. She had no idea the implication it had for me when she stopped in the presurgical area, held my RIGHT hand, and prayed for me.  Coincidence?  I think not.

This verse stuck with me through all my dark seasons: my husband’s infidelity, my breast cancer diagnosis, our adopted son’s mental illness and suicide attempts.

Today I’m prompted to share it with you because if you don’t need it today, you will need at some point in time. Real life is messy.  We need God’s word to anchor our soul when the waves of real life seem to be tossing us around.

Whatever you’re facing today…He’s holding your hand.

The post He’s Holding Your Hand appeared first on Jill Savage.

 

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Sit Still in the Dark

Exodus 14:14 NIRV 
The Lord will fight for you. Just be still.

When you are in a fight with someone it is so hard to sit still. When that person you are fighting with is yourself it is impossible.

I have spent all of my adult life fighting myself. Mental illnesses is a two-edged sword. You often fight with people around you, never meaning to. Then you turn and fight yourself because of the guilt. You tell yourself the meanest things. Things you would never tell another human being. You hate yourself. For me it is often like an out of body experience. I see the way I am acting and scream but can’t stop myself. 

Over the years, I have found the only way I make it through my “episodes” is to sit still. When all those angry voices in my head come to bully me once again, I sit still. It does me know good to fight back. I can’t fight myself. There is nowhere to run or hide. I must sit still. God fights for me. He doesn’t let go. I may not see him or feel him, but he comes for me. He always does. 

I have translated these thoughts into other areas of my life. There are times when I need to stand up and fight. However, there are other times God says, “I got this! Sit still and let me fight!” It is in those moments, I am still learning, but always trying to listen. I know how important it is to sit still.

Deep Down Inside
by Tabetha Frick

Imprisoned
Shackled
Darkness surrounds 
Deep down inside

Those words are harsh
They cut like a knife
No longer in control
Deep down inside

Why don’t they stop
Can’t they see the pain
Its so dark 
Deep down inside

The tears are streaming
The anger is raging
Why is it so dark 
Deep down inside

I hear my voice
I try to scream
I am here in the dark 
Deep down inside

Too late now
The damage is done
I must wait in the dark 
Deep down inside

The light will come
It always does
But for now I wait
Deep down inside

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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Cuss, Cry, Cringe or Thank God

Philippians 1:6
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

It was a really long day! I was feeling a little overwhelmed. It seemed everyone needed me at the same time today and there just wasn’t enough of me to go around.

I still had several more things to accomplish once I got home, but I was excited because at least I was leaving work and headed that way!

Then I came to my “favorite” road home…the one with the railroad tracks!

Yep! You guessed it there was a train on the track. It was going really slow. As a matter of fact, it stopped and went the other way and then stopped again and came back.

What did I do? Do I scream (cuss)? Did I throw a tantrum (cry)? Did I give up and bang my head on my steering wheel (cringe)?

Nope!

I rolled down my windows. Turned off my car grabbed my phone to play some tunes and a book to read. I laid back and thought, “Wow! Time for me!” (Thanked God!)

I would love to tell you this is always my reaction when life throws something in my way. If I did, I would be lying through my teeth!

Patience has not and is not always my friend. However, there are sometimes I just have to find the silver lining! Today was one of those days. I mean seriously, how many times do you get to just kick back and read a book when you have a million other things to do. I had an excuse and everything! I was going to take full advantage of this!

Let’s be real here. Even the most organized list maker and planner is going to face obstacles though out the day. Now, I am not saying throw all the plans out, but how about we start looking at is as an outline of possibilities for the day. Then let’s just sit back and see what gifts God has to offer us for the day! Maybe you will be lucky enough to get a train to help you stop and relax too!

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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I Am Free!

Colossians 3:13-14
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

On the way in to work this morning, I was having a chat with God. I am struggling with how to resolve a relationship issue I have with a couple of people in my life.  I got my usual answer of “Be still, Tabetha and let me do my thing!”  Then I got a startling reminder of my adventure through a twelve step program.

Yes, I once went through a twelve step program.  It doesn’t matter if you are an overeater, alcoholic, gambler or porn addict, addiction is addiction and the twelve steps do help.  I can even say that if you are just struggling with life the twelve steps help.

Anyway, back to my conversation with God!

He reminded me of a very important piece to the program or at least to a couple of the steps. Steps 8 and 9 are what most people refer to as the make amends steps.  They state:

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Now, let me state right now, YES these steps are difficult! However, as God reminded me today they are even harder when you are seeking recognition from the other person.  Someone once put it to me like this… “We are only responsible for our side of the street.”

This means, that I am responsible for MY forgiving and MY being sorry for my part in my relationship.  I cannot expect forgiveness from them, nor can I expect an apology.  More importantly, once I have given my forgiveness and apology I am FREE! I don’t have to carry around the guilt or anger any more. If the relationship does not mend, it is OK.  I did what I needed to do.  I can walk away a free woman.

LORD, I know it is my responsibility to forgive other people when they sin against me, so YOU will also forgive me (Matthew 6:14). Help me to move on LORD, knowing that I have done what you asked and I am free.

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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Yes, I Can!

Philippians 4:19
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

Today is going to be short and sweet!  I am combining two verses in the bible that pretty much sum up my life right now.

Psalms 37:7
Be still before the Lord
and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

We all know being still is NOT an easy job.  Some people even try to say it is being a “woosie!”  Those people have no idea how much strength it takes to just sit back and wait.

So, when God puts me in those holding patterns I have devised a little plan.  I simply repeat the second verse I want to bring up today.

Romans 8:37
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

Yep!  I can even be a conqueror at waiting!

This is normally where I would pump my fist in the air and say, “Bring it on!”  However, I would much rather just take it on as it happens.  

I may be a conqueror over impatience through Christ, but I would still prefer to not have to test that theory anymore than I have to.

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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Four Little Words

1 Peter 5:6-7
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your care on Him, because He cares about you.

I love these two verses.  Well, I love most of these two verses. There are four little words that trip me up all the time!

At. The. Proper. Time!

Some versions say in the due time. I don’t care how you say it.  It still means I have to be patient and that is NOT easy! 

But I am getting better at it because I have learned the value of verse 7.  Casting all my cares on him.  One of my cares is I can’t wait.  Sometimes it is because I am so excited and other times it is because I am frightened.  Either way, I am like a kid waiting for Santa to place those gifts under my tree so I can open them up right now!

Do you know something awesome?  God already knows this about me and he loves me just where I am.  He knows I get anxious and he gently guides me through waiting spots in my life. I know I can always cast any cares on him and leave them there with him and he will take care of them because he cares about me.

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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​The LORD’s Great Love

Leviticus 3:22-23
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Days turn into weeks, weeks into months and months into years.  Some seasons we go through are down right tough.  But we must always rememer that the LORD’s great love for us is what sees us through any stormy sea.

Tonight I would like to just pray for you just as Paul did over the Ephisians.

14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (Ephisians 3:14-21).

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.