Category: Journal

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No Hope?

Isaiah 40:31

But those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

This week my World History students have been studying five major religions of the world. I took away a valuable idea from all of them.

The key focus of my lesson was how do our religious beliefs influence the way we live our lives. At first, my students struggled with the concept. Then we began to talk about each religion’s idea of what happens to us when we died. They quickly realized all the religions had one thing in common, hope and faith in the fact there was something else after we died.

What I took away from this lesson was a sadness for those who do not have this hope and faith. I can’t imagine walking through life without either of those. Why would I get up in the morning? Why would I even try to live my life or improve upon it?

I suffer from depression and PTSD. I know what those dark hopeless days feel like. It is Isaiah 40:31 I often turn to remind myself that my hope is in the Lord and he will renew my strength.  He will give me wings to soar far from this depression and I will be able to run and walk again.  Without that hope, I would stay crumpled up emotionally and sometimes physically in the fetal position unable to go on.

I am so thankful for my religious beliefs.  They bring me comfort and strength.  They do influence the way I live my life.  I want to share this hope and faith with everyone I meet.   I pray for those who have nothing to believe in.

I leave you tonight with this one thought:

If there is no God and Heaven when we die, what did I truly miss out on while I lived?

If there is a God and Heaven when we die, what will I miss out on forever?

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Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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I Need You to Just “Be”

Psalms 40:1
I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.

I sat and listened as my friend poured out her heart and soul.  She was devastated, frustrated, angry and felt totally alone.

I remember a few years back this same friend had come to my rescue.  After a simple phone call at 10:00 at night, she showed up on my doorstep.  She wasn’t there to fix anything.  She was there just “to be”!

This concept of not fixing something can be very difficult for some people. Not to sound sexist or anything, I know for men it can be extremely difficult.  They are naturally born fixers and problem solvers.  However, there are many times we women don’t need “fixes” or even solutions.  We just need someone “to be”.

There are many times in life where there are no words to fix things. I am reminded of a song by Jason Gray, Not Right Now.

Don’t tell me when I’m grieving
That this happened for a reason
Maybe one day we’ll talk about the dreams that had to die
For new ones to come alive
But not right now

While I wait for the smoke to clear
You don’t even have to speak
Just sit with me in the ashes here
And together we can pray for peace
To the one acquainted with our grief

I know someday
I know somehow
I’ll be okay
But not right now
Not right now

This song always reminds me of Psalms 40:1. There are many times I wait for the Lord because I just want him to listen to my cry.  This verse tells us he turns to us and listens.  He is just there. We are not alone.  We are not forgotten.  He is listening. He is just “being”.

My response to my friend was simple.  I told her I was sorry. I wish I could fix it, but I know I can’t.  I could give her a million “Christian” things to say and verses of encouragement, but I knew they wouldn’t help, right now. So, I offered to just listen and empathize with her. I told her when she needed me to be her cheerleader and encourager I would, but today I was just going to sit with her and be miserable with her so she was not alone.  I was just going “to be”.

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Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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We Were Not Called to Climb Every Mountain

Hebrews 12:1

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

I have come to the realization, I can’t live anyone else’s life and I don’t want to.

I have a friend who sells jewelry as a side job.  Her hopes and dreams are for it to take off so she can quit her full-time job.  She loves selling this jewelry.  She loves wearing it and she loves the smiles on her customers face when they first put it on and they realize they are beautiful!

Recently she made a confession to me.  She belongs to various social networking pages specifically designed for consultants that sell this jewelry.  She was reading peoples successes and she began to feel very jealous.  She wished she could be them. The Holy Spirit quickly pricked her soul and said, “No, you don’t!  You don’t want the trials and tribulations she has been or is going through.”

When she told me this I realized I have done the same thing many times.  I have looked at magazines or watched TV, social media or even just saw someone walking down the street.  I have said things like,

“I wished I looked like _________.”

“I wished I had that person’s _______.”

“Wow, I wish I could do _______ like that person.”

God has marked out a path just for us to travel.  He has equipped us with just what we need to walk that path.

And let us run with perseverance the race marked for us.

Why do some paths lead down pitfalls and rocky roads, while others seem to walk on rainbows and sunshine?  I don’t know, but I can promise you something, no one is always walking on either one.  When you see those people who seem to be on the high, you never know the cliffs they climbed to get there.  What’s more, you weren’t meant to make that climb.

Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.

Let us throw off the jealousy, envy, covetousness, enviousness, green-eyed monster, jealousy, resentment that entangles and let us find our own path of blessings, grace, mercy; favor, kindness, mitzvah, advantage, aid, assistance, gift, help, relief, support, comfort, consolation, solace; bonus, extra, delight, joy, and pleasure.

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Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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WWJD

Deuteronomy 31:8

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

The WWJD movement is so cliche now that it is almost cliche to say that it is cliche. That made so much more sense in my head ;o)

What would Jesus do is a question or phrase we often pass around when we don’t know what else to say. How often do we REALLY ask that question and expect an answer or seek an answer?

Have you found yourself in a painful situation and seriously stopped and asked what would Jesus do if he were in my shoes right now? Well, let me tell you what he would do.

He would feel pain (John 19:1 & 2)

He would feel sorrow (John 11:35)

He would feel betrayal (Luke 22:48)

He would feel fear (Luke 22:44)

He would feel anger (Matthew 21:12)

He would feel alone (Matthew27:46)

What do all of these things have in common? He would FEEL! It is Ok to go through something and feel pain, sorrow, betrayal, fear, anger or alone. Jesus felt these things also.

Today, he is feeling them with you. He is going before you. He is walking along beside you. He is not going to leave you and he certainly will not forsake you. Feel your feelings. Walk through them. Don’t be afraid of them and don’t get discouraged with yourself.

Next time you are going through a rough patch in your life, ask yourself what would Jesus do. Then remember what he would do. He would feel and keep on moving!

Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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Let There Be Light Part​ 1

Genesis 1:3
Let there be light. 

John 8:12
I am the light of the world.

How do you explain PTSD, anxiety, or depression to someone who has never been there?

How do you tell someone watching their loved one suffer that they cannot help or make it go away?  It isn’t their fault.  They did nothing wrong. Don’t take it personally. Their loved one is fighting their demons and they just got caught in the crossfire.

How do you tell someone if I could get out of bed, or off this couch, I would?  If I could quit crying, I would.  If I could stop flying off the handle, I would.  If I could. I would.

No. I didn’t choose to be this way today.  No. I haven’t gotten up on the wrong side of the bed.  No. I am not just feeling a little blue.  No. It isn’t just that time of the month. No. I am not angry at you.

How do I explain how I fee? I feel like I am trying to sweep a dirt floor in the middle of a hurricane.  I can hear everyone around me trying to explain it is a dirt floor.  I know the more I sweep the more dirt I will find.  I hear you scream out, “Why in the heck are you doing this?” while the wind whips around me depositing even more dirt.  But. I. Still. Sweep. And sweep.  And sweep.  I can’t stop.  The broom keeps moving and my hands are glued to it.  I can’t even look up to take a breath.  I. Must. Sweep.

There are no remedies to these problems.  There are no cure-alls.  There is just coping.  Getting through.  Today I would like to let you in on a few of my getting throughs.

Please let me start by explaining there are many medications that can help with the chemical imbalances that occur with PTSD, anxiety, and depression.  My body just doesn’t play well with any of them.  For those they work for, Praise God!  I am so excited for you. I have family and friends who find help in this area.

When I finally figured out meds were not for me, I reached out to others.  I prayed so hard for God to just take it all away. He chose to send me some help instead.  He put people in my life who understood.  People I could turn to in the darkness, who would hold my hand and walk with me. They became lights in my darkness.

I appreciate those people more than they will ever know or understand.  I know I can text and call them at the drop of a hat and they are there. But I didn’t want to always be dependent on them.  That is when God stepped in and said, “Let there be light!”

My light came in the form of four big paws and a very wet nose.  He, like me, ​had gone through some very unpleasant things in his life and was looking for just the right person to love him.

To learn more of my story come back tomorrow.
Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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I am confident that I have no confidence! Or, do I?​

Judges 6: 12, 14 & 15

12When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.”

14The Lord turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?”

15“Pardon me, my lord,” Gideon replied, “but how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.”

I have confidence in sunshine,
I have confidence in rain.
I have confidence that spring will come again!
Besides what you see I have confidence in not me.

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For those of you Sound of Music fans who were singing along above, I apologize for the word change.  But I have to tell you confidence is not a close friend of mine.  I am so glad the bible is filled with not-so-confident characters to help me not feel alone.

One of my favorite Bible stories, when I was little, was about a man who had very little confidence.  As a matter of fact from the world’s point of view, he really didn’t have much to be confident of according to the bible.  This man described himself like this, “Look at me. My clan’s the weakest in Manasseh and I’m the runt of the litter.”

You can read the whole story in Judges chapters 6 through 8.  But for now, let me give you a little taste.

The Israelites had messed up yet again and turned back to doing evil in God’s sight.  So, he turned them over to Midianites who were very cruel to them.  They would march into their land and destroy everything. So the Israelites made hideouts in the caves of the surrounding mountains.   After being reduced to grinding poverty they finally cried out to God for help.

So, who does God send but Gideon the man of the weakest clan and the runt of the litter!  As a matter of fact, poor Gideon has such little confidence about anything he asked God for signs just to make sure he was hearing him correctly.

Oh, and to add insult to injury. Gideon was just finally finding a little confidence and sure that he was supposed to go out and defeat those guys who eat nuts and bolts and drank motor oil for breakfast. God gave him stepped up and gave him the next part of his plan.  Gideon my man you are getting an army of just 300 men to fight along side you!  Oh, and by the way, for your weapons of choice you will get a torch, jar, and trumpet.

Yes, you read that correctly!  God not only chose what the world deemed as a wimp, but he gave him just 300 men to go fight a huge army of elite fighting machines with just a torch, jar, and trumpet.  Now doesn’t that just scream confidence builder! Personally, I think I just would have screamed.

Insert Tabetha now.  I lack confidence in my abilities all the time.  I am not confident about being a wife and mother.  I am so not confident in my writing or teaching.  I am so not confident in standing up in front of people and speaking.  Let me let you in on a little secret.  Confidence does not mean lack of fear. Confidence means you go through with the plan in spite of the fear.

Much like Sister Maria, Gideon had lots of concerns, questions, and fears, but he marched on.  He took those three hundred men and defeated that army of ninjas, without lifting a sword

So you see it is OK to have questions, concerns and even fears because…

Strength doesn’t lie in numbers.
Strength doesn’t lie in wealth,
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers,
When you wake up, wake up! 
It’s healthy!
All I trust I leave my heart to,
All I trust becomes my own!
I have confidence in confidence alone.
Besides, which you see, I have confidence in me! 
(I Have Confidence by Richard Rodgers)
Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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Darkness to Light

Isaiah 41:13 (NIV)

For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.

I promise this devotion is filled with hope and light, but to get there you must travel through my darkness.  Many years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder which brings with it much panic, anxiety, depression, and mania.  As a matter of fact, in more recent years I was told I was diagnosed incorrectly and it is more likely PTSD.

Which ever label you want to give it, there are moments where the darkness attempts to engulf me.  If you suffer from any of these, I urge to reach out to someone.  Do not let go!  It is not the end!  You are not alone!

We are many and God knows each one of us by name.  He has not forgotten or forsaken us.  He is there in the midst of every second of our fight.  He is battling in places we can’t even see and doing things we can’t even imagine.

When the darkness comes and threatens to extinguish all the light around me, I often turn to writing poetry to describe what I am feeling.  The feelings seem so real at the time; I draw pictures in my mind.  The following is an example of my darkness.

The End?

I am spiraling down the hole.
I grasp and grab but nothing is there.
Air slides through my fingers
All is dark, no light at all
When will this end?

I am afraid of hitting bottom
But anything is better than this
The deep depression of unknown
The anxiety, the panic
Will this never end?

What will I find at the bottom?
What is waiting for me there?
Will I die if I reach it?
Will there be an escape?
Do I want to see the end?

I feel so alone
I feel like an idiot
I am out of control
I should have control
Please let this end!

I see how you look at me
I see the anger and disappointment
You think I am making this up
Just looking for attention
This is not what I want in the end

My heart is heavy
My head hangs low
I want to give up
I want to stop trying
I want this to be the end

So, why do I fight?
Why do I care?
Wouldn’t it be just easier to say I am done
It is finished
Now leave me to the end

Yet, I cannot
I am not finished
There is so much more to do
I must continue
I must fight until the end

How do I know God is there?  I know because in that dark cavern when I am ready to just lay down and not get up again there is a small quiet voice.  It just repeats, “I AM here, now fight!”  It starts as the dimmest of light. I can barely see if flickering far off, but it grows each time I focus and listen. It grows louder, brighter, stronger. Its name is Hope and it is hand delivered by I AM.

Isaiah 41:13 (NIV)

For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.


Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.