The LORD is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
Living with any mental illness can drive you to a dark place. I often here others talk about this deep dark pit of despair. I immediately listen to them because I know exactly where they are talking about.
No, it isn’t on a map, but somehow we all describe it as the exact same place. We all speak of it being so dark and small. The walls seem to be slick and yet jagged at the same time. It is impossible to climb out.
The darkness is so think, you could cut it with a knife. You feel the darkness closing in around you, tightening around your throat. Even through the darkness, you know there are things slithering around you.
It is like pure evil moving in and out and around you. Laughing, sneering, telling you lies after lie.
You aren’t enough!
No one likes you!
No one would miss you if you were gone!
The pain is too much to handle!
You have gone too far this time!
You might as well end it all!
You will feel so much better if you just end it now!
If you have never been to this place, count your blessings right now! Family and friends cannot drag you out of this place. For many, who listen to the voices, they can’t even look up to reach God himself. It is as if the world has been swallowed up around you and all you see, hear and feel is this darkness.
It has taken lots of years, and lots of prayers to find things that help me in this pit. Sometimes the answers come quickly. Other times, I struggle. I know when I feel myself slipping I need to reach out to trusted friends to hang on to me. Someone to remind me of the lies I am listening to. Someone to help me reach up to GOD! No matter what those voices are saying, HE IS right there with me. Even when I can’t see HIM or feel HIM!
I have also learned to pray scriptures. I memorize them and ask God to break through those voices and remind me of the verse when I need it. He has always been faithful in answering that prayer. Then, I have to do the foot work. I have to memorize the scriptures and I have to repeat them in the pit.
My voice usually starts off as a whisper, then gets louder and louder, until I drowned out the other voices. They can’t be heard over God’s Word! Some of those verses are the ones I have written at the top!
The LORD is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid. Wait for the LORD: be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. (Psalm 27: 1 & 14)
I don’t know where you are right now. I also don’t know what roads you have traveled or about to go down. I do know that GOD is faithful! He will find you wherever you are! Hang on to HIS word and promises. Even in the darkest of places, HE IS THERE!
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