Psalms 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
I have this habit of reading things and highlighting, underlining and putting post-it notes all over them when I find quotes or ideas for blogs. Pick up my bible and you have no idea what notecard might fall out at you. I am not better with ebooks. I highlight and leave myself notes all over the place.
Then there is my walls in my my office. OH BOY! I have all sorts of things tacked, taped and pinned. It is just the way my mind works.
Some days my mania takes over and I am compelled to write. Sometimes beautiful poetry comes out. Other days, it is just a jumbled mess. I recently shared one of my pieces with a friend who happens to be a social worker. Reading her face as she looked at each line and curve which should have been coherent words but instead looked like some kind of string art, said it all. I know the unreadable layers of words upon words made no sense. To be honest, what I was writing really had no meaning even if you could make out a word here or there.
I look at those pages and I see beautiful pieces of art. I couldn’t always say that about them. They use to scare me the next day when I realized what I had done. Now, I see them for what they really are…healing. These roadmaps of lines and curves in multiple colors written in several different directions is my brain making sense of the world around me when I am stressed to my limits and overwhelmed by even the simple thought of breathing.
God created my mind and he knew the trauma that was going to come into my life. He knew my mind needed a way to escape sometimes into a safe world. A world where words danced across a page, sometimes in a slow lyrical waltz and other times a fast paced jig.
To some, my world looks like insanity, but to others it is peace. To those who travel the same or similar paths, I hope you find your own safe world. Travelers of other journeys far from my path, I also hope you always find a place to call home.
Whichever roads you take in life or places you find yourself, I hope and pray above all else you learn to love and accept yourself. Show yourself some grace. Paint a world with beautiful colors made up of you! Catch a glimpse in a mirror of just how God sees you!
No, I am not just a woman with PTSD, I am beautifully and wonderfully made.
Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.