Let there be light.
I am the light of the world.
How do you explain PTSD, anxiety, or depression to someone who has never been there?
How do you tell someone watching their loved one suffer that they cannot help or make it go away? It isn’t their fault. They did nothing wrong. Don’t take it personally. Their loved one is fighting their demons and they just got caught in the crossfire.
How do you tell someone if I could get out of bed, or off this couch, I would? If I could quit crying, I would. If I could stop flying off the handle, I would. If I could. I would.
No. I didn’t choose to be this way today. No. I haven’t gotten up on the wrong side of the bed. No. I am not just feeling a little blue. No. It isn’t just that time of the month. No. I am not angry at you.
How do I explain how I fee? I feel like I am trying to sweep a dirt floor in the middle of a hurricane. I can hear everyone around me trying to explain it is a dirt floor. I know the more I sweep the more dirt I will find. I hear you scream out, “Why in the heck are you doing this?” while the wind whips around me depositing even more dirt. But. I. Still. Sweep. And sweep. And sweep. I can’t stop. The broom keeps moving and my hands are glued to it. I can’t even look up to take a breath. I. Must. Sweep.
There are no remedies to these problems. There are no cure-alls. There is just coping. Getting through. Today I would like to let you in on a few of my getting throughs.
Please let me start by explaining there are many medications that can help with the chemical imbalances that occur with PTSD, anxiety, and depression. My body just doesn’t play well with any of them. For those they work for, Praise God! I am so excited for you. I have family and friends who find help in this area.
When I finally figured out meds were not for me, I reached out to others. I prayed so hard for God to just take it all away. He chose to send me some help instead. He put people in my life who understood. People I could turn to in the darkness, who would hold my hand and walk with me. They became lights in my darkness.
I appreciate those people more than they will ever know or understand. I know I can text and call them at the drop of a hat and they are there. But I didn’t want to always be dependent on them. That is when God stepped in and said, “Let there be light!”
My light came in the form of four big paws and a very wet nose. He, like me, had gone through some very unpleasant things in his life and was looking for just the right person to love him.
To learn more of my story come back tomorrow.
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