Isaiah 41:13 (NIV)
For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.
I promise this devotion is filled with hope and light, but to get there you must travel through my darkness. Many years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder which brings with it much panic, anxiety, depression, and mania. As a matter of fact, in more recent years I was told I was diagnosed incorrectly and it is more likely PTSD.
Which ever label you want to give it, there are moments where the darkness attempts to engulf me. If you suffer from any of these, I urge to reach out to someone. Do not let go! It is not the end! You are not alone!
We are many and God knows each one of us by name. He has not forgotten or forsaken us. He is there in the midst of every second of our fight. He is battling in places we can’t even see and doing things we can’t even imagine.
When the darkness comes and threatens to extinguish all the light around me, I often turn to writing poetry to describe what I am feeling. The feelings seem so real at the time; I draw pictures in my mind. The following is an example of my darkness.
The End?
I am spiraling down the hole.
I grasp and grab but nothing is there.
Air slides through my fingers
All is dark, no light at all
When will this end?
I am afraid of hitting bottom
But anything is better than this
The deep depression of unknown
The anxiety, the panic
Will this never end?
What will I find at the bottom?
What is waiting for me there?
Will I die if I reach it?
Will there be an escape?
Do I want to see the end?
I feel so alone
I feel like an idiot
I am out of control
I should have control
Please let this end!
I see how you look at me
I see the anger and disappointment
You think I am making this up
Just looking for attention
This is not what I want in the end
My heart is heavy
My head hangs low
I want to give up
I want to stop trying
I want this to be the end
So, why do I fight?
Why do I care?
Wouldn’t it be just easier to say I am done
It is finished
Now leave me to the end
Yet, I cannot
I am not finished
There is so much more to do
I must continue
I must fight until the end
How do I know God is there? I know because in that dark cavern when I am ready to just lay down and not get up again there is a small quiet voice. It just repeats, “I AM here, now fight!” It starts as the dimmest of light. I can barely see if flickering far off, but it grows each time I focus and listen. It grows louder, brighter, stronger. Its name is Hope and it is hand delivered by I AM.
Isaiah 41:13 (NIV)
For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.
Copyright © 2017 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.