Tabetha's Devotions

Moments with God

Save Me from My Darkness

Romans 10:13 HCSB
For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. 

PTSD throws me back to the times and places of my attacks.  Not only do I feel emotionally and physically everything around me, I also hear everything that was happening then.  I smell everything just like it was. I can even taste the moment.  Everything in the here and now melts away and I am thrown back into that exact moment over and over again. I relive it like a nightmare that will not end.

As I sit in my pit of despair, when my PTSD has sent me over the edge and all I see is darkness all around, the old demons come back.  I can hear the laughter and hissing all around. I feel the inky darkness of evil overtaking me. Thoughts of self mutilation and even suicide become a familiar tune.

I have admitted these feelings to few people.  Only a couple of people in my life truly understand and have even walked these pathways too. As a matter of fact, this is the first time I have put these thoughts in writing.  My poetry is often dark and obscure, but I have never out and out talked about self mutilation and suicide.

I have done lots of research and ready many books on PTSD, as well as other mental disorders. For years my doctors thought I was bipolar. It took one doctor to finally look at me and hear my story to realize it was actually PTSD.

Recently, I picked up another book from an author not only spoke to me, but seemed to be walking right beside me. In the Middle of the Mess is Sheila Walsh’s story of her own fight with depression, including suicidal thoughts.

In one part of the book she was describing a particular night where she was fighting the darkness all around her.  Her experience was very similar to the one I described above.  She remembers calling out Romans 10:13

“I called that verse out loud and I believed it. I called on His name and believed Him. I had been saved from hell and into eternity ever since, as an eleven-year-old girl, I accepted Jesus as my Savior. But that night I needed saving in the present, and I knew it. It wasn’t that I needed to become a Christian again; instead, I needed the power of the living Word of God to save me from the present tormentors.”

I have been saved since I was seven years old.  I am a Pastor’s wife and have been in church all my life.  I have heard or read that verse millions of times, but never like this.  I have always read it as part of the salvation road or Roman’s Road as we always called it.  I never looked at it in present tense.  I called out and the LORD saved me.

In the middle of my darkest times, I call out and the LORD saves me.

I don’t know what you are going through right now or what you may be facing tomorrow.  I do know that everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.  This does not just mean salvation from your sins when you become a Christian.  You will be saved from your circumstances. I don’t know how. I don’t know when, but I know the LORD will save you! So hang in and repeat this with me and keep repeating it until you believe it!

For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. Romans 10:13

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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Will You Be Carrots, Eggs, or Coffee?

Love this story…..

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, “Tell me what do you see?”

“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied.

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they got soft.She then asked her to take an egg and break it.

After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked. “What’s the point, grandmother?”

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity–boiling water–but each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her granddaughter.

“When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?”

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?

Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?

~ Author Unknown

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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You Are Guac!

Psalms 139:13-14
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

I recently read a story about a speaker who stepped out on stage and pulled a $100 bill out of his pocket.  He asked the audience, “Who would like to have this $100 bill?” Hands shot up all over.

He then took the bill and crumpled it up, threw it on the ground, stomped on it and got it all dirty and nasty.  Once again, he asked the audience, “Who would like to have this $100 bill?” Again, the same hands shot up all over the place.

The speaker when on to explain this is why God still wants you! It doesn’t matter how beat up, tore up, dirty or crumpled you are, He still sees your worth! Just like no matter what is done to that $100 bill, nothing changes its worth. Nothing will ever change our worth to God!

If someone hasn’t told you today, you should know you are fearfully and WONDERFULLY made and God makes WONDERFUL things. I guarantee in God’s eyes you are the guacamole NOT the salsa!

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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Hold My Hand

Isaiah 41:13
I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear. I will help you.”

I am not one to repost someone else’s blog, but I was struggling all day with exactly what to say and how to say it.  I knew what I wanted to talk about today, but the words just were not coming together.

Then I sat down to check my email and here was a blog from Jill Savage expressing just what I was feeling. I couldn’t say it any better, so I decided to pass it on.

The nurse walked into my room and said, “Jill it’s time to go. You’ll need to leave your glasses here.” Mark prayed for me, gave me a kiss and then waved as the nurse wheeled me out of my room towards my lumpectomy surgery. Without my glasses I can’t see much so the feeling of being disoriented seemed to heighten the emotion of the moment.

That’s when the words of Isaiah 41:13 flooded into my mind. “I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear. I will help you.”

God settled my heart with just a few words…just a few of HIS words, that is.

My surgeon prays for her patients before surgery. She had no idea the implication it had for me when she stopped in the presurgical area, held my RIGHT hand, and prayed for me.  Coincidence?  I think not.

This verse stuck with me through all my dark seasons: my husband’s infidelity, my breast cancer diagnosis, our adopted son’s mental illness and suicide attempts.

Today I’m prompted to share it with you because if you don’t need it today, you will need at some point in time. Real life is messy.  We need God’s word to anchor our soul when the waves of real life seem to be tossing us around.

Whatever you’re facing today…He’s holding your hand.

The post He’s Holding Your Hand appeared first on Jill Savage.

 

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Wait Like an Eagle!

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I remember growing up in what you would call a small country church.  One of my favorite songs we would sing was based on Isaiah 41:31

They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. 
They shall mount up with wings as eagles. 
They shall run and not grow weary. 
They shall walk and not faint. 
Teach me Lord, 
Teach Lord to wait.

For those of you who may not know, I am excellent at waiting. NOT! NO WAY! NO HOW!

So, why in the world would I ever love to sing this hymn?

To be honest, it is because of my mom.  This has always been one of her favorite verses and she always loved singing it. She always managed to remind me of it when I wasn’t being so patient. 

A few years ago, when we were marathon training we would bring this verse up to each other when we were feeling a little low on energy. Even as I ran the marathon that year, I kept humming and singing that song over and over to keep me going.

My biggest problem with waiting is I feel powerless when I am in the middle of something. I have to do something to get started.  I have to do something to finish up a project.  In the middle, not so much to do. I just have to wait. 

And when I wait, my mind starts to wonder and come up with all kinds of problems. I play the “what if” games or “I should have”. I think of all the ways I could have screwed up somewhere. Fear comes knocking down my door.

Recently, I “stumbled” (OK, God may have pushed a little) on a couple of other verses.

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Psalm 37:23-24
The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

I realized even during those waiting times, God is holding my hand. I have nothing to fear when I am in a waiting pattern. God will give me strength to see any project to the end. Even if I have screwed up somewhere along the way, HE will make it come out alright.  I have nothing to fear.

This is exactly why when I wait and put all my trust in the LORD, He will strengthen me and give me wings to fly and feet to run and I will not grow weary of waiting.

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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Sit Still in the Dark

Exodus 14:14 NIRV 
The Lord will fight for you. Just be still.

When you are in a fight with someone it is so hard to sit still. When that person you are fighting with is yourself it is impossible.

I have spent all of my adult life fighting myself. Mental illnesses is a two-edged sword. You often fight with people around you, never meaning to. Then you turn and fight yourself because of the guilt. You tell yourself the meanest things. Things you would never tell another human being. You hate yourself. For me it is often like an out of body experience. I see the way I am acting and scream but can’t stop myself. 

Over the years, I have found the only way I make it through my “episodes” is to sit still. When all those angry voices in my head come to bully me once again, I sit still. It does me know good to fight back. I can’t fight myself. There is nowhere to run or hide. I must sit still. God fights for me. He doesn’t let go. I may not see him or feel him, but he comes for me. He always does. 

I have translated these thoughts into other areas of my life. There are times when I need to stand up and fight. However, there are other times God says, “I got this! Sit still and let me fight!” It is in those moments, I am still learning, but always trying to listen. I know how important it is to sit still.

Deep Down Inside
by Tabetha Frick

Imprisoned
Shackled
Darkness surrounds 
Deep down inside

Those words are harsh
They cut like a knife
No longer in control
Deep down inside

Why don’t they stop
Can’t they see the pain
Its so dark 
Deep down inside

The tears are streaming
The anger is raging
Why is it so dark 
Deep down inside

I hear my voice
I try to scream
I am here in the dark 
Deep down inside

Too late now
The damage is done
I must wait in the dark 
Deep down inside

The light will come
It always does
But for now I wait
Deep down inside

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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The Wrong Side of the Bed

Colossians 4:5-6 
Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

Boy did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed!

I actually considered crawling back in and getting out on the other side…hahaha!

My poor husband. I was neither wise in my actions, nor were my words seasoned or full of grace. As a matter of fact, I felt so badly that I arranged to have lunch with him to refresh our day. I am happy to report that it did.

We all have those days. Maybe something went wrong to throw your day off. Maybe you didn’t sleep well or woke up sick. It doesn’t matter what started it. It is how you finish it.

I know taking words back is like putting toothpaste back in the tube. If like me, you let things get out of control before you could get a hold of them, then make up for it. I know this isn’t always possible, but try. 

Whenever possible, be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone (Colossians 4:5-6). But when it is not and the damage is done please remember foolish people laugh at making things right when they sin. But honest people try to do the right thing (Proverbs 14:9, NIRV).

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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THEATRE IS FAMILY

Proverbs 11:25
A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.

In the past, I was a theatre mom, but this past year I had the privilege to be part of the theatre as the co-director of our high school drama club.

As the curtains for the last time this year, I reflected about how much I learned from these wonderful kiddos. The most important thing I learned was love, hope and respect.

You see in the picture below there are many races, cultures, ages, religious beliefs and sexual identities. We joke. We kid. What we don’t do is offend or get offended. We don’t always agree or understand each other, but it never stops us from loving or respecting each other.

My co-director is fond of saying, “Theatre is Family.” I have seen that first hand this year. There is not one of these kiddos who wouldn’t drop everything to race to the side of another.

In this day and age where high schools and students are being torn apart by the media, these kids are a beacon of hope.  Without even realizing it, they are showing what true Christian love is suppose to be. They loved this old, white, straight, Christian conservative woman right where she was and didn’t care what labels she carried around. I loved and respected each and everyone of them the same way! We are and always will be family!

These wonderful human beings are my heroes!

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

 

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An Intelligent Failure

1 John 2:1
My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father – Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.

If I were writing 1 John 2:1 it would come out a little more like this…

Hey, I really hope you don’t find yourself doing things wrong. However, when you do, don’t try to hide it or pretend you didn’t screw up.  It’s OK! Admit you are wrong, learn from it and move on.  Jesus has you covered. He is there to help. He died for your sins. You will be forgiven.
~1 John 2:1 (Tabetha Version)

God knew we were not going to be perfect. He knew we were going to need Jesus to help us out of our sin.  He also knew that Jesus dying wasn’t going to keep us from screwing up. 

I have a philosophical question for you…is it failure if we learn from it?

I was reading a devotion this morning. The author was saying trying to get across how to fail successfully.  He used a quote from inventor Charles Kettering that suggested we must learn to fail intelligently. He said, “Once you’ve failed, analyze the problem and find out why, because each failure is one more step leading to the cathedral of success.”

I love this idea of learning to fail successfully.  Kettering went on to explain in order to do so one must do three things. (1) Face defeat, don’t fake success. (2) Learn all can from the mistake. (3) Never use failure as an excuse to not keep trying.

So, to answer my own question, no I don’t think it is truly failure if we learn from it. To stay in the light with Jesus (1 john 1:7) does not mean to not make mistakes. It means to own up to them, learn from them and start again.

Remember Jesus is always there to be our advocate.  He will give you sound advice even when you screw up. So don’t be a failure. Be an Intelligent Failure!

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Copyright © 2018 Tabetha Frick All Rights Reserved.

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What A Day

Isaiah 41:10
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

I am so exhausted! It is tech week for our high school drama club. I will be so glad when this play is over this weekend.

In truth, I was going to skip writing my blog tonite because I was so exhausted. God had other plans.

Just as I put my head on my pillow, I got that familiar nudge.

“Tabetha, I am not finished with you yet.”

”Are you sure Lord? Cause, I feel like we put in a full day.”

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”

“Well, when you put it that way LORD, how can I refuse.”

Please tell me I am not the only one that has these little conversations with God! You know those moments when you feel you are done! You can’t take one more step and God comes back with, “Don’t worry. I got this!”

Let me tell you something…He Does! He has you. He will not leave you or forsake you. He will be your rock, your shield and your strength. Don’t be afraid when He calls you. Even when you are exhausted and can’t take one more step.x

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